Blogging is FUN...

...If there are people to read what you write!!! This is something that I realized so late. I thought I blogged for my own satisfaction but how wrong was I because every time I open my page i look at the right hand side of the page to check on the Feedjit as to see did any people visit (not read) my page after I logged out. So that makes it clear that I am happy when people visit me. So I take this chance to thank every one who visited my page and I would also like to tell you all to stay here as long as you wish because you are who make me want to blog again (woooosh, I have admitted that at last!)

So it might be interesting for you to know what has been happening in my life lately. Well, I had a big surprise in wait for me this month which I was totally unaware of (of course I know surprises are unawares,I just mentioned it to make you curious). The month bloomed as usual, October with all its cool dewy mornings and hot humid days and me getting up, dressing up, riding up to my office! Well, that's the usual! So on Oct 12th, I was feeling a bit down about going to office, so thought will sit at home and work, yeah, that's an advantage that I have at my work and that's what I love about my work. So all bedraggled from last night's sleep (you dare not imagine me that way, mind it!) I booted my system and started working. By 11 o'clock the power supply and internet started to alternately come and go. I got so upset that I got ready to go to office itself rather than wasting my time and energy sitting and restarting the computer! Then I had an afterthought, why not make use of the opportunity to take a good break and cool off for some time till the power and internet stabilizes. Okay, so I decided to do so, called the office and told them there is problem over at home, so I am waiting for things to settle! Just a few minutes after the phone call, I heard the postman's bell ringing and my mother was running to receive something and then she called my name aloud (for I was perched upstairs in my den). So I ran down and he gave me an envelope that had come through speed post. I wondered what was that and lo, it was then that I saw the logo in front of the cover! I was stormed for sure but I was also suspicious as to what it might contain. Anyway, I signed it and ran inside the house yelling 'amma, it's from X Ltd.' (let that be a secret for now). Amma also was surprised. I tore open the envelope to see that I was asked to come for the final medical checkup before entering the company for which I had attended an interview at Hyderabad and had lost all hopes of getting that job when the result had been published. But I don't know how this happened, maybe God hasn't left me to fight alone. So I was overjoyed, my amma began to cry, and many melodramatic things happened. I went for the medical test that week itself, was certified fit by the doctor and finally I am waiting for the confirmation letter from the company.

So there ends my quest for a better job. Now I am sad that all the books that I had bought after I knew I was out of the selected candidates for X Ltd. just to ensure that I get a better place the next time I go for a test and interview has all gotten blown. Now the books are lying in front of me but I feel lazy to touch them but I have to because even though am 99% sure about this job, I shouldn't stop trying for the good opportunities that come my way, I am having two exams next month, so am probably hoping to touch the books soon.

This month I also had to take a brash move against S. He had visited my town after a long time and I purposely avoided him because I don't know why, but today, I don't hold the attraction that I had held for him in the yester years . Sometimes I loathe the way he talks and the way he shows off about his job and blah-blah. Last week, he had called me saying he wanted to come home and see me. I made excuses of plans to visit my cousin's home and evaded him. He called thrice to know when I might be available, but I made myself unavailable and I think he will be on his journey back to Mumbai by now. I did such a hateful act because there is no use of pursuing situations or making someone pursue situations which don't deliver the goods that you desire (you know what I mean). I have learned the simple fact of life from all these years of living, and that is to say "NO" when you really really don't want it in your life, be it a person, a situation, or whatever you think is unjustifiable to your conscience.

I got a request the week before from a friend that I have mentioned here before. He wanted me to sent him the song, hearing which he had fallen head over heals for me, in my own voice. The song is "Chaha he Tujhko" from Mann. I have half-agreed to sing it for him because it's been a long time since I sang for someone. He is a precious person, I do miss him but I don't want to move to his side because I know eventually I will be hurting his feelings because I don't nurture the same feelings that he has for me. So today, I just brushed off my headphone's mic but unfortunately (for him!!!) my mic is out of order!!! Hoooohahaha, now I will have to get a head fone from office and then sing it for him, now that is sure gonna take some time, so you will have to patiently wait for it, dude!!

What else, so that's the briefing on what has been going on with me that I wanted to write here since the surprise letter that I received. So till I see you all next time, Happy Blogging !!

True to the Core!!!

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

I didn't imagine this quiz would turn out with so many self-analyzed facts !!! It truly portrays my concept of the much hashed out feeling "Love" !

I wish...

I wish someone would tell me something incredibly profound. I wish my heart would beat beat beat in time with theirs and things I want to say wouldn’t get caught in my throat like my hair gets caught in my fingers and ties itself into knots. I wish the voice in my head didn’t say the things it does, because of all the people I can trust in the world I shouldn’t be one of them. That’s why I listen to music louder than the sounds of the late-night television programs like poker competitions and bad films starring bad actors. And in the middle of the cacophony of sounds the only thoughts I can hear are the singer’s, the whisperer’s, the poet’s, infinitely better and wiser. Wiser even than the stars. I bet they don’t trust themselves either. I bet lots of people don’t when they’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and felt a heartbreak or three. Boys didn’t break my heart you know, I did. I break it all the time. I’m breaking it right now and I don’t even know why.

Adopted from Tumbler

Are you afraid of death?

Okay, so again I have took the help of Creativity portal for today's post. It's not because there was nothing to write about but it was because I wanted to write about something that's no-nonsense, something other than my random thoughts. So I chose this and what I got was "Am I afraid of death?"

Before I started writing this, I did a bit of research as to the exact day of my death. I know that was something foolish of me, but anyway, I did it. Now, my buddies, don't ever mistake me. I am not afraid of death, truly, really, am not. Yeah, so my answer to the above question is already in front of you. I know there are many among us who are afraid to die but there might be several reasons behind that and I do respect those reasons. For me, death is the beginning of an unknown realm which we are to tread compulsorily. So why be afraid. Were we afraid to be born on earth? No idea. Were we afraid to live on this earth? Definitely, yes. I am still afraid to live on this earth. Fear comes in all forms when I consider "how will I live till my last breath." This might sound ridiculous to you, but really, one doesn't know what lies ahead, so one has to be afraid. But in the case of death, that doesn't happen. Once we die, it won't be this same, it won't be like will I be able to look after myself? Will I have the money to live a beautiful life forever? Will I be healthy till the end of my life? will I be able to find my love? will I be able to have kids? Will I be able to live without meeting a road accident? Will I be able to cook tasty food for my hubby? Will I be?Will I be?? These are all the horrors that lie ahead, but once we die am sure we needn't worry about such things and hope there won't be a life after death.

Actually, Death' is the greatest enigma in life. It has baffled humankind from times out of mind. And yet despite all attempts to solve the mystery, it has remained as mysterious as ever before. I do have confusions in my mind as to what is death. Do we really die, or do we have a soul that lives on apart from the body? For every living being, death is shocking and unexpected. Even for me, that moment when I die will be shocking even if am not afraid of death. Can we pinpoint just what death is? Do we have immortal souls? Are we conscious after we die? Are we destined to go somewhere to experience some form of reward or punishment? What is really going to happen when we die? It's not fear that you can feel in these questions, it's anticipation or curiosity or excitement about the unknown. That's what death means for me. A journey from known to unknown.

I would like to think of death as a journey into a peaceful kingdom where nothing worries you or ails you. So if anybody who is reading this is afraid of death, just read the The Letter from Heaven and be a changed man...

Love you all my bloggie buddies...

You Should Be With an Air Sign

Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius You crave excitement and playful banter. Only an air sign can match your wit. An air sign will keep you on your toes and keep you interested. Your air sign will bring you fun, excitement, and surprises. Sounds like your perfect playmate! So this is what Blogthings predicted for me. Any air sign guyz freaking out there?? You are welcome to join me (even though am already with one, LOL)...We can of course freak out together, what say?

What Sign Should You Be With?

Super Girl is yearning for a peaceful heart...

Okay, so it's been a long time since I had been here, but you know that's not unusual for the woman that I am, lazy, procrastinating, and sleepy.But I had been on the blog world a lot in these days, it's just that I couldn't get out of my hibernation on my blog.

I've gotten a lot busy these days trying to acquire a much better job since it is recession time and you don't know when you'll lose your job even though I have got a secure job at hand but am still under the mercy of the Americans. If they decide to stop sending jobs to India, I might end up jobless. So just in case....That's why am struggling these days for a more secure jobe in the banking field. Got not even one day off of my schedule. I have got classes on Sunday and most of the afternoons when I am having less jobs at office. So that's what I have been busy at. I have got some pressure from my coach about taking a leave before the exams that I am intending to take up, but I am just not ready to take a leave from my job for the exams even though I know it might turn worthy. Anyway, let's see what happens.

Today is Eid-Ul-Fitr. The holy day of the Muslims. While passing through the Muslim dominated area on the way to my office, I could get a waft of the biriyani from the houses all along. Long back, I was very religious and considered my religion to be the best but not now. Now, am a secular person. Maybe my life circumstances made me to believe in secularism to survive in this world. I realized that man has only one religion and that is humanity. We all offer our prayers to a supreme power who we believe created us. So now I don't need any pictures or a cross or any such material things to pray to my god. When I close my eyes, I can see him and feel him and talk to him. My supreme power has no gender. He even becomes a she at times according to what I need to talk to him/her. I, who used to be in the temples at least 15 hours a day during festivals, never visit even once during those days now. I rarely go to temple to see my God. I believe my God walking along with me wherever I am. He saves me and he punishes me. That's what I believe in now.

It's with great agony that I am writing this. Just now, am searching for words to write what's in my heart. I am not at peace. Things are bothering me. The past, the present, and the future. I feel like everything related with me is under a whammy. I feel like I am doomed. The positive spirt in me is dying out. I need to keep myself alert lest I lose myself as an aftermath of the events happening in my life. Part of me is yearning for my lost love (the biggest part). Part of me is yearning for that beautiful life which my parents wanted me to have with someone I couldn't accept. Part of me wants my present, the one who says he is living just for me. I was good at making decisions earlier but now, I have been daunted by strange things in my life. No one will believe it if I tell them that this is what has happened to or is happening in my life. Everybody knows what kind of a girl I am, chirpy, easy going, a bit introverted but still mingling freely with every soul, taking things practically (might be a bit too practically than people of my age). So what is happening to me is something which people who know about me cannot accept. Why should I talk about other people? Even I have become so petulant recently when I think of the uncanny situations I am having in my life.

Sometimes, while riding my bike, I think of becoming a Super Girl, a girl who has got supernatural powers, one who can fly, one who can raise her bike to such speed that people on her way fly off merely by the force of her speed. I imagine myself as a girl in a black attire fully equipped with every harmful weapon in the world to punish those who are cruel to people and animals. How I wish to be of that species!!!

I think I have started rambling a lot. So time to stop it. Let me move on guys to a better tomorrow where my wishes become the wishes of the people around me who love me...

Maybe this is what I am in search of !!!

You Need Security

To be happy in life, you need to feel as secure and grounded as possible. You have to know that things will be okay no matter what. You plan for the worst. You tend to be cautious, and you always think of the long term consequences before you act. Living a low-key, responsible life is the only way to ensure that you can truly relax.

This is what Blogthings has answered for me to the question "What do you need most?"

Being a woman is tough !!!

Hey, no, am not here to talk about feminism or any such stuff ! Am here to just state the fact that men enjoy life more than women because men = women - (female reproductive system). If we, women had something similar to men's RS, we too would have been able to join the fun. Maybe my idea is silly and stupid at the same time because without FRS, women won't be women and their life will be made a sort of hell by the 'normal' people in this world. But as a woman, I will tell you that certainly a woman can live a better life without these monthly flows and carrying babies for 9 months. Am sorry if am offending someone. I do agree that becoming a mother is the greatest joy of a woman's life but it can also turn out to be the greatest sorrow of someone's life if she is forced to bear a child. I know you will agree with me on that in the least. Today, I am writing this not because I saw the miseries of such a person but because I saw the miseries of such a living being who is not a human. It's a stray bitch.

The story goes back to four months. This bitch, whom I started calling 'Pity' (you can guess why I called her that, right?) started standing, sitting, and lying in front of our front gate the day she came to our place. I think she is barely 1 year old. And the reason she started staying 24 hours in front of our house was because of my dog, Johny. He might be the handsome fellow in town for her. So, Pity got a crush on him and she always stayed near our house looking at him. Johny, who usually raises hell if some stray dog walks through the street didn't mind Pity staying there at all. We also never bothered because it was very evident that he was least interested in her as he never looked at her side or even went near the gate when she was lying there.

Thus, one day, hell started for Pity. She was 'in season' and all the stray dogs around our place came to visit her and you know what would have happened. She is such a pitiful sight with lean legs and a lean torso and when you look at her she will swoon and lie on her back with all her legs up in the air to show her love towars us who fed her sweetmeats often. But she was a poor sad sight. And when these villains started coming to her, she couldn't defend them. They used her so badly and she even got hurt in the fight between her lovers. She always came by our house and moaned and we had so many sleepless nights thinking about the plight of this poor thing and the howling of all the dogs, but we couldn't save her because that's the way life is for them.

Thus, she got pregnant with god knows how many inside her. All her lovers vanished after a week or two and she was all alone again with their seeds inside her. The rainy season is going on in our place, so there was no space for her to even sleep properly. Still she carried the children through the four months and last week, she gave birth to two children. The evening before she gave birth, I saw her. She was getting her pain and she had no place to go and lie down. I saw her going here and there and making a hole in the ground near the road and so on for her to lay her children but she couldn't find any place. I was worried the whole night as to where she would have got a place to give birth to. But in the morning, I saw her lying under the plantain trees in the courtyard of our neighbor. Luckily, it hadn't rained that night.

But the next day night, it started raining, actually pouring down heavily. I was restless in my bed that night. I couldn't sleep thinking of Pity and her fate. I decided to go and have a look at her. It was 1:30 a.m. When I switched on the light, there was no power. I got my mobile in my hands and went downstairs. I grabbed my dad's cap that was lying on his bike and I also got my raincoat out of my bike. I was afraid to make any noise lest my mother will hear me. If she hears, she won't let me go. So I made no noise and slowly climbed the walls and jumped out into the courtyard where she was laying. Usually, I give her biscuits and such when she is in front of our house and she knows the sound of my bike clearly and whenever I come home she will come running from somewhere to get something to eat. But I knew she couldn't recognize me at night because of my raincoat and all. So I was cautious when near them. I had also taken two thick big cardboard pieces to cover them from rain. As I neared the mother and the brood, and called out to her, Pity was caught off guard and jumped up at me 'WHOOF! WHOOF!' I ran so fast towards the wall of my house and the cardboard just flew off behind from my hands. Even my dad's cap fell off somewhere. I didn't bother to take it back because I was afraid she might run and get hold of me at my back if I stayed there. I climbed the wall back (the wall is certainly high, but I did manage it with God's help) and tiptoed upstairs, washed myself and went back to bed. One adventure was enough for one day and that too a fruitless adventure!!!

From that day on, it has been raining continuously with very short breaks in between and Pity and the pups are always wet. I don't know how they managed in the mud until yesterday. Yesterday one of the pups started crying out loud the whole night and no one in the surroundings was able to sleep because of this. Luckily, I have got a great animal lover near my home. She loves animals like anything. I am only second to her in loving animals. She and my mother went to have a look at how things are over there. Then, they found out that one of the pups was on the verge of death and all three of them were lying in the mud and water filled up in the holes that she had dug. She took both of them to her home and gave her own dog's cage to them. Pity was saved with one pup. The other died because it had a big wound on its back from god knows whose bite. Pity had gotten to such a stage that she couldn't take the cold any more. When we put her in the cage, she was shivering and was such a pathetic site with all the mud and muck on her. Last night, both of the saved ones slept a sound sleep in the warmth of the cage. My neighbor had also fed it well. We do feed her now and then, but since my dad was against my stray dog love, I couldn't help it in any other way. But I don't know how many days the pup and mother can be safe at my neighbor's pet's cage. Her people at home don't like this, so as soon as the pup opens her eyes, she will have to send them back to the street and the same story will be repeated again.

Seeing all this, I have got just one thing to ask the Great God: When there are so many people in the world who yearn to have a child and are not able to have, why can't god give this reproductive power that he bestows on such stray animals to the individuals who want them? Why can't he make these stray females (even orphaned and penniless women) sterile so that they don't have to go through this hell?

I am also giving you, my friends, something to muse upon: In our country, the amount of money that is spent each day on dog food, cosmetics, and pornography is rougly equivalent to the amount of money required to feed every starving stomach on the planet, Am I right?

Happy Friendship Day To All My Fellow Bloggers!!!

Today, I would like to send a message to all my friends out there regarding a very serious social issue and am putting this message up just because I happened to hear about it very recently from my dad. Okay, I will share it here with all of you. My dad is one who travels by train to and from his office daily. So on Friday, while traveling from office back home, he happened to witness a strange incident. Some of you may have witnessed such incidents. For some people, it may be a very common thing, but in these parts, this is a very rare or you can say it is hardly a scene that happens in public. Dad happened to be traveling with a drug addict and that too by his description, a girl of my age, ya, a 25 or 26-year-old. She was a really good looking girl, was doped when he saw her but she was speaking clearly in good English and also in Hindi and when people asked her where she was from, she said she was coming back from a rehabilitation center. Her dad and mom seems to be out of India and she is studying somewhere in Bhopal. I used to think that these things happen only in movies but something like that happening to a girl in our community was really horrifying. She was actually a native of our God's own country...

Let me tell you exactly what happened. After telling all this to the people who asked her whereabouts, she went to a guy who was a Tamilian sitting nearby who looked like a thug. Dad was so astonished because this girl was traveling alone and he was sure she was seeing this guy for the first time in her life. She told the guy to come with her for a puff. He was surprised but went with her and shared one or two puffs with her and then came back to his seat. Suddenly, to everybody's surprise, the girl fell down and hit her head on the side wall just after smoking this doped cigarette. She jumped up straight after falling and started mumbling some lame excuse that she had 'fits' but everybody around her knew that she was lying and trying to hide her habit. Then she asked the people sitting there where her seat number was and when they told her she went off to her far off seat in the next compartment.

But after sometime, to everybody's surprise, she came back and called this same man again to come with her. Just imagine a girl like that calling such thugs to give her company. This man was willing to go but his friends warned him that he might get into trouble, so he said 'no' to the girl and it seems she went off to search another partner. According to what dad saw, the girl was very much in her senses even if she was doped but at times her consciousness was gettng shadowed because she was opening her bag, searching for something, then closing it again, then again opening, a sign of restlessness could be seen in her. Her lips showed white patches due to long term cigarette use. Dad was so much upset when he reached home. It was like he couldn't take her out of his mind. But, he was helpless.

I don't know why people are destroying their life in the hands of dope. Why smoke? Why drink? Why get doped? There are crores of people on earth who suffer because they are blind, they are deaf, they are invalid, they have no hands, no legs, such incapacities which we can't even imagine about. There are so many who are diseased with cancers, HIV, and many such serious illnesses. When we are blessed with everything, we don't value anything. We sell it to these dangerous substances which take off our senses, and finally our life. Why should we do this when we have so many good things to perceive around us?Why lose our senses to such poisonous products? Really, I don't get it. Please someone tell me why you enjoy doing it if you are still doing it.

Blog Swap '09 !

Am so thrilled to present you today my partner for this year's blog swap and she really has got some interesting things to tell us....So, here goes.....


Sister, Sister

Halo, hola, 玟邸羋祀肢, hej, and hello Internets! Usually, you can find me over at Somewhere In Between, but today, I was fortunate enough to be paired with the lovely Ams for the 20SB blog swap!

"I could never love any as I love my sisters!" I think Jo March was onto something when she uttered those infamous words in the movie, Little Women (based on my all time favorite book by Louisa May Alcott!). There is something so unique about the bond between sisters - an unshakable, untouchable affinity that, if you're lucky enough to have a sister, you experience for a lifetime.

Sure, we have our squabbles here and there (when you're competing for the attention of mom and dad...and sometimes, the same potential boyfriend!, there's sure to be some bickering along the way), but no matter what the situation, what mood I'm in, I've always got a friend, a confidant, a mirror, and a voice of reason in my corner (not to mention, twice the clothes in our communal closet!!).

I'm fortunate enough to have two younger sisters (and a sister-in-law!) who I've been through every imaginable walk of life with. There is nothing more reassuring than knowing you've got someone to shadow you through your darkest days, and your highest highs. The darker times seem a little brighter when you've got a sister to sing you a custom song on the spot to the tune of the Golden Girls' theme song (thanks, Lilo!), and the happiest days are just a little happier when you share a memory that makes you cry tears the size of raindrops at the pure hilarity of the situation (take your pick, Bell!).

I feared we would grow apart as we grew older, and time shifted us across the country, but my fears were unfounded, as we've only grown closer with each passing day. Though we constantly laugh at the new stages of life we find ourselves in, I always think back to my favorite memory of my sisters, and it takes me back to our Door Dancin' Days of our childhood. Our bedrooms were across the hall from each other, with Lilo and Bell in one room, and me in the other (after years of the three of us sharing one room...it was a slumber party every night!). We would wait for my parents to head upstairs and shut off all the lights - my sisters quietly pretending to be asleep in their respective bunk beds, and me, staying up to read just one or two more chapters (presumably in Little Women!) with my bedside as my companion. When we could no longer hear the creaks in the floor upstairs, it was our cue to point my bedside light toward the ceiling, and meet in the doorways. Within seconds, we'd be miming our best dance moves across the hall to each other, all the while trying to stifle our laughter. This nightly ritual was entirely ours. A ritual that we still burst into from time to time when we're all together. The exclusivity of our ritual created a sisterly secret society. One that, to this day, no one will ever be able to infiltrate.

Monsters are still alive....

Eeeeyaaah...Am back!!! (Did that sound a bit wild?)...Okay, relax...

I had a pretty hard time selecting a new template for my old blog and I really really got so cracked before I chose the current one. There are a lots of sites claiming they have got good templates with them and it's true from outside but once you enter that site and your eyes fall on a template which you start loving like your own, you really get attached to it, and feel like you cannot do without it and so finally download it and then you realize that the bloody template doesn't work well. Sure, it might show the contents but somewhere it won't make up what you want. The template that I chose first was a beautiful one with a starry sky on top of a white page and it really looked so suitable when linked with my title and on preview it looked good except the dates won't appear on any of my older posts. That was a real disappointment. I am a person who loves white templates, no other color for me, so I had been hunting for one with a beautiful artistry but whenever I found one, it will have a problem somewhere. I even thought of abandoning my search and continuing with my old 'Deer' template but I wanted a change and so decided to look for more. Finally, I landed upon the current one and decided to use it despite its shortcomings.

I am not an expert in programming, so I still haven't found a way to arrange things on my template so that you can click on those top icons and get to those pages which I could have made up if I had found a way to do it. So, till I learn things, those icons will stay idle. So that's all about my tempalte story.

It's been raining continuously from yesterday. I had planned of getting my bike to the service center, so didn't take my raincoat with me thinking about the difficulty of carrying it hither and thither and thus got drenched to the skin on my way back home and my plan also got canceled.

Today at office browsing through, I came over a piece of news which really made me burning through. Read it here: Cruelty at its peak

Such incidents are becoming so common these days and I found out several such incidents after I browsed for more. Cruelty and fun are mixed together these days and that is seen more among the teens. It's true that there have been incidents like this in the past also, even our ancestors used to taunt animals for fun but there is a limit to all that. What if children at this age forget about the pain they inflict on other living things? How much cruel will they grow to be? Is the world being filled up with monsters? Who can put an end to this and make them realize that animals too have pain or is it that these kids don't bother about pain? Is pain a kind of inspiration to them to hurt more?

Surprise !!!

Ok...So I have changed my page's appearance...Hope everyone who comes by this way will like it...Will return back soon to post more...

Love you all, sweet bloggers out there...

Oh *Michael*,You Rock My World !!!

Oh, Michael, You never knew I loved you so much than the whole universe...At the time that you started building your kingdom, I had been a kid and never knew that I would one day live to be your greatest admirer and I never in my dreams thought I'd be as unlucky as to witness the day that you'll say goodbye to me...Sitting alone at a place far from you, I used to watch you climbing those steps toward the kingdom of Music and as I wished and hoped, you did touch the pinnacle of fame...But I also had the misfortune of watching people stoning you for such dingy deeds which an innocent being as you, my love, could never even dream about. Even when those ornery 'ladies&gentlemen' spurned you and taunted you, I never lost faith in you...I wanted you to come back from the tragic events that were happening in your life and I wanted you to believe in yourself and claim the world once more with your elegant music...You were a blessed one, my love...God had really sent you to HEAL THE WORLD...But, these fools around never realized...I always knew you loved children and you were happy being with them and all the way I have realized that's because you too were a child at heart...I love you, Michael...I know you are hearing me from far above and I know you are even watching me now that you can see me...I know I won't hear your human voice ever again in my life but let me tell you one thing...You are still alive in all our hearts, your lovers' hearts and we will never let you slip away into the folds of the past...HAIL, MY PRINCE, MY MICHAEL....

Titles Of My Dream Books

It's for the first time am trying out brain knocking and I came upon the above idea. So what would be those 5 titles that I would give my dream book (which I haven't even planned to write in my dreams, LOL)...???

1. You, Me, and Them: I know it sounds so common and so simple a title but this will be the story of a girl, her precious one, and the villains that will enter their life because of her precious one's clandestine network of relationships which the innocent girl will be unaware of. Sounds a bit gruesome, right? Of course, no doubt, this is a thriller. But don't worry, such a book is sure not to see the light of day. LOL..

2. Secrets of the Nature: In this book, I will write about all those things under the sun which are really awe-inspiring to man other than man himself. It'll tell the story of animals and birds and plants in such a beautiful way that anyone who love nature will buy this book. So this is going to be a real hit, mark my words.

3. Fairies of Silver Land: As the book's name goes, this will be a book for children in which they will come face-to-face with fairies in a fantasy world of their own which will be an all silvery, shiny world (I dont know why am obsessed with silver, LOL). Every child will make a big din if this book is not bought for them by their mamma. So, beware and watch out for this one, young mammas.

4. Monster Mamma: Sounds similar to monster-in-law, but never mind. This one I promise is going to be different. This is the story about the agonies of a mother who becomes misjudged by her children who never try to understand her or what her feelings are or what she wants from her beloved people in the house or how much she wishes for their love. So, let's wait for this one. This is surely going to make you love your mamma more.

5. Love Always Stays Hidden in Our Hearts: This will be a book which will become my masterpiece which will make people forget Romeo&Juliet. I am not kidding guyz, It surely will. If otherwise, 'I will eat my hat' (slang borrowed from DB's Deception Point).

Now that I remembered Deception point, let me talk about that too. I finished two books the last week (pls dont mistake me because I only finished reading it last week though I started those two long back) - Dan Brown's Deception Point and Stephanie Meyer's Eclipse.

As far as Dan Brown goes, he is one of my favorite authors since I read 'The Da Vinci Code.' As all of you know by now, it was a great thrilling read and the mystery hidden in the pages was fabulous. It made me really glued to its pages. After that, I got hold of 'Angels and Demons' which is now a motion picture and Dan Brown totally won me over with this book. Actually I liked this one better than Da Vinci. Usually when I read an author and I love that first book, all the other books that I read after that won't impress me more than the first but here this was an exception. But this one that I read the last, 'Deception Point' was a bit, a teeny weeny bit disappointing. It had a brilliant plot but I think it was too 'flat' in the sense that it's hero (I think I can consider him the hero), Michael Tolland was depicted as a superhero who can singlehandedly save his heroine from a sinking submarine in the middle of the Atlantic whose doors are stuck up. And the villain of the story, William Pickering, I felt was actually an innocent person who had been forced to kill people even when he never wanted to do so, just to repay those who were responsible for his daughter's death. But the story has got it's Dan Brown touch and it did keep me burn my lamp a bit longer than usual at night (because I read books at my bedtime).

Now the part about 'Eclipse'. I loved, loved, and again loved this paranormal romance. Twilight was a good one (the first part) but New moon disappointed me a bit, but Eclipse was better than anything. More than Edward, I loved Jacob Blake in this book. The love that both of them have for Bella is so warming. But Jacob gets the hard part of sacrificing his love for Bella and the pain that he goes through is really heartbreaking towards the end of the book. If I loved Edward in the other two books, I loved Jacob the best in this one. Now, am looking forward to finishing the last of the series, 'Breaking Dawn' (yeah guys, I've already started with it, I dont like waiting, you know)....

So till my next post, be happy and have a good time!!!

Musings of a twiddling mind....

Again, I have failed to keep my word about blogging regularly. Finally, I have realized the fact that I can blog only when my mind is full and I think that's the reason I chose blogging - to unburden my mind when it's full to the brim. So this is one such day, I suppose when I have lots to talk about here.

I am now walking through that phase of my life where things are going a little slower than I want them to go. I am trying to change my field of career and in another week the results of the interview that I attended last month will clear up the haze in front of me. I had the opportunity to visit Hyderabad for the first time and to tell you the truth, I didn't like what I saw of the city even a bit, might be I chose the wrong places to see the first time. If you ask me, I will say that it's the most crowded compared to any other South Indian cities. The plethora of automobiles in the city roads were just so horrible. I was afraid to even step out of the vehicle lest someone comes and hits you at the flick of an eyelid. I wanted to visit Ramoji Film City but I had only three days' time there and couldn't make it. My foremost wish before leaving Hyd was to have an original Hyderabadi Biriyani and that wish was met at Paradise on the night before I left the city and I owe so much to my friend 'goggles' who helped me find a comfortable accommodation and who even came and took me for sightseeing out there.

These days I am learning new things about life. Life sometimes shows us the humorous part hidden in its folds and one such thing has happened to me in these few days. I had written about my first crush S long back on this blog. I have cried years back thinking I will never be able to make him realize how much I like him and now everything has 'about-turned.' I used to get calls from him about how much he wanted to come to my place and so on because the city he is in is far away and it's hell of a busy one. But the past week I got a strange mail from him saying he wanted to talk to my parents about a proposal for me (wasn't that weird?). It sounded so much like he was making fun of me because the condition that I am in, no one would come to me with such a proposal and I replied in the same humorous way (taking it so lightly because I thought it was meant to be taken that way). But the rest of his mails including the one I got today even after me being so satirical over his replies puts me in dilemma. Is he really, genuinely asking me? If so, I have got only one thing in my mind now, why is god so so so cloying when I least need it? I have no idea. This is one such situation which I had longed for many years back and then finally buried everything connected to it thinking it's such a ridiculous idea (because he and I are so incompatible to each other as I have realized overtime) and the important thing to quote here is that I no longer want to hear about such an idea especially from him. Look how life changes !!! I don't know but I am so scrappy about all these chain of events.

Has there been any such event in your life which you had longed for so much but didn't get hold of it and then suddenly it bounced back in your favor when you least wanted it?

Deviating a bit....My poetic prose....

This is a strange love. Stranger than you have ever heard of. However, strange it may sound like, I can assure that this is true to its core. Experiences are always true, I think I need not tell you that. This is the story of love, a dark, painful, ostentatious kind of love - but still it went unnoticed. No one around even got a whiff of it, everything was happening around them, but still everyone was unaware, blind, as if a sleet of darkness had engulfed everything over, as if I had turned invisible. I loved him. I cannot call him by his name because if I say his name, I might become an outcast. My folks may kill me, give me poison. Every one of my friends and relatives will hate me. But I am not worried about all those. Death is not a macabre for me. If this life gets over, there will always be the next. But, I can't let him suffer because of me. His name, his life, his honour is more precious to me than my own life.

Mulling over my life, I can tell you that this is not the first time that I have been in love. I have loved throughout my life. My love was like a poisonous snake. It always waits for the right one to get in its way so that it can entwine him in its hold. But the ones who got entangled in its hold were all such ignorant pedants who never saw me. I was again invisible in front of them. Let's leave all those gory stories where only I got hurt.

Let's talk about us, me and my lover. I saw him unexpectedly on one such evening when the golden rays of the sun shone brightly through his body and made him look like a statue of gold. His hair were strands of gold and his skin had a golden tan which made me long to touch. His blue eyes shone at the sight of me. His lips gave such a beautiful smile which when rememberd conveys me into the place which we call heaven.

From knowledge gained till this day, let me tell you, married people always lack eyesight whereas a bachelor's eyesight is much much better. Before marriage, a man will adore his girl and can even describe the smallest mole that he found on her cheek as the utmost beautiful thing on earth. But once he gets married to her, he fails to even remember that such a thing exists on her. That's why I hate marriages.

Now, I have no intention of possessing my love. But just because I have got no such intentions, I am going to suffer. The distance between us is a day. I can never reach his side even if I walk hundred miles an hour and I don't know any other means of travel other than to walk, in other words, to crawl as I have been transmuted into the most poisonous snake by my love.

This love I have for him is not only strange but it also gives me excruciating pain to just bring his face into my mind. But what love can be called love if there is no element of pain connected with it? Pain of love should make your heart tear apart. The sword of jealousy should pierce into your heart and pain you. The pain of disappointment should make your heart pain so much. I will cut off my wings to feel that pain. I will then try to fly to him. Blood will drip from the part where my wings had once been. His golden body will turn red with my blood. I will win him over with my blood and pain.

I was jealous to all the girls who came near him. I was jealous with every girl who dared talk to him or even look at him. He was just mine. I decided to reach his side before I lose him to the world's stronger grip. I reached his side. I hugged him, not with my hands but with my soul. I kissed him, not with my lips but with my tears. No girl would have hugged his boy with so much pain burning through her body. My bones were breaking, my flesh was crushing with the horrid pain that I was feeling. Still, I hugged him with love, with true, fearless, strong love because I knew this was the LAST. There won't be another moment like this in this life. Perhaps, our next meeting will be in the next birth. But I knew, at that moment too, I will be crawling in the form that I am today, as a poisonous snake. On that day too, my heart will be torn apart with the same pain that I am having today. Even when separated and far apart, my blood will yearn to blend with your blood with unquenchable thirst for your love.

This was a prose that erupted from my mind after reading a short story by a renowned Malayalam author. Kindly regard this gibberish as that of an immature author's meekly attempt.

Did I miss the train???

The title might have baffled you because I am sitting here and posting on my blog, so how can it be possible for me to miss a train? But I am talking about the train in which my future was residing.Ya, I did miss that train and now it has gone away to such a faraway place from where it's hard for me to drag it back and even if I drag it back I am not optimistic that I can travel happily on that train. It's true that opportunities come only once and it's totally true that a wiser man has to grab the opportunity that comes to him, coldblooded. You should'nt wait to think what will happen to you or your loved ones if you do a particular thing because thoughts are the one thing that can change your life forever. If you are totally not getting into what I am talking about, I will give you the details. Before that, there is a doubt creeping into my mind now: Have I started to make my blog my diary? If so, please don't feel bad about reading me because I have started to trust my page with my life and I am willing to pour out myself on these pages as this is giving me a chance to have a good look at myself and what I was and what I am.

So, you all might have read the poem that I had posted before this. Yeah, it's true that I do love a person madly, madly enough to let myself become his slave if he wants but nothing of that sort is going to happen because even if he knows about me more than anyone else and even if I know about him more than anyone else, he is not willing to make me his better half. The reasons are plenty and I know each and every reason of his by heart. Now you might be wondering, have I given up? Ya, I have sort of given up, but that too for him. There is no point in clinging to a person who doesn't nurture the same feelings that you have for him; moreover, if he is having second thoughts about me as to whether this relation could bring him happiness or not or will this relationship break off all his other relationships, there is no meaning in hanging on to him. Hang on to the person who can make you feel secure, make you feel his but here nothing of that sort is there.

It's true that I have been loving him so deeply from the time he came into my life and he knows that well but he is not ready to accept it in front of the world and partly, I have given him the reasons for not doing so, that 's my mistake, I agree, but he knows the situation that changed my life forever. He knows how much I have gone through, how much I suffered. Still, he is not ready yet for anything risky. How can I make him understand that this is not a risky thing? This is his life, more than mine, I want his happiness. He knows I can never make him sad like I did to others but when will he realize it completely and return to me? I still don't know for sure if that will happen.

Everything happened in the December of 2005. Let's call him 'my guy.' I knew him long before but had never met him except twice when i was studying. He is one of my relations (and pretty close that is) but I was not very familiar with him because he never used to come for any of our family occasions. In that unfortunate month, there at my cousin's wedding, I met him after many long years. It was surprising to know that he was a very fun loving dude and he made friends with all of my cousins very soon. Nothing much happened on that day but my phone number got passed to him through his sister. It was not purposely done, among all of my cousins' numbers, he got my number too. After coming home, his image was lurking in my mind (but I knew that it will pass) but didn't take much notice of my feelings at the time because I knew much better than anybody else that he was not my type and I was not his but I wanted to keep him among my friends' group, so just messagd him from my phone (The 1st Biggest Mistake of My Life). That's how everything got started........

A Forgotten Art...

This poem has been lying on the pages of my diary for a long long time, say two and a half years...Now it's my blogger friends' choice to read it or not to relive the pain I went through not once but many times after that unfortunate day and am still living through that same pain.....

I exist now dreaming in reality, shades of deep reds and grays,
Evolving at the speed of light
As my third eye sees all, I bring my fingers to my lips and time stops
I taste you.
I ponder you and wallow in the memory of your scent and way.

How you called me baby
The way you made me laugh
The way you touched my heart and made me
believe

Unable to stop, it seems too wonderful,
but in the end there is not much but pain.
I allow this for some time, then I awake
and know that I am alive and the possibilities are endless.
Wanting you to taste my soul
and undeniably know that I am the one
and we are one to conquer happiness together,
unimaginably, the way you knew that we could
and will if you say one word,

Yes!

Your fear. Your ego. Your pride. They protect and also hurt you,
keeping you from what is rightfully yours,

Love.

If I had your heart again?
Oh, the way I would touch it, nurture it
and protect it
My most sacred gift
God wants what I want,
he trusts me and knows my light is pure as he does you.
Say the word once.

The heavens will open up and the angels will sing in our praise

Because we chose.

Please don't be afraid, I am always here for you.

I Love You.

You Want to Impress Strangers

You want strangers to think you're attractive. You want to be seen as gorgeous and sexy. You want everyone you meet to think you're brilliant. Being seen as intelligent is important for your self esteem. You are at your most playful when you are around people you don't know well. You're more serious around those you're close to. You let strangers see parts of you right away, but you believe in keeping some things private. You don't become close to many people. You only let people you've gotten to know very well in.

Who Do You Want to Impress?

Everytime I check out something here, it surprises me by turning out true...Whew!

Morning Makes Me Dwell into the Past...

So....I am here on this early morning thinking of things that I don't understand why I am thinking today.The sun is just beginning to peep out and its lukewarm rays are just hitting me tenderly.I can hear the birds chirping out on the trees and could feel the cool breeze coming into my room. And I started to think of all those wonderful mornings I had through my life and thought of putting those out here.

To tell the truth about, I am a lazybones especially in the matter of getting up early in the morning but I can do that if need arises without any complaints. These days I wake up by 5.30 in the morning just because I got to start my work at home by 6. But that doesn't give me an option of enjoying the morning. So I am leaving out those mornings when I am working. Other than that, the early morning of my teenage years is what I remember pretty well. I have spent most of my holidays at my mother's house which is in a remote village about 80 km far from where I live now. There, our grandma was a real strict one on the matter of waking up in the morn, bathing, and going to the temple which we three (includes my two cousins) never could agree to. So we used to sleep like anything in the mornings and granny starts shouting but since we sleep upstairs and granny can't climb the stairs we used to escape from a direct encounter from her early in the morning but used to get what we deserved by breakfast time because we can't skip out that, you know....But the mornings there during some festival days like Vishu or Onam were splendid ones. On Onam, we used to wake up early and go to the nearby fields to pluck flowers for our flower carpet. Those cool, dewy mornings of August were the ones that I really hold close to my heart. We three had little bags made of palm leaf which we fill up with small pretty flowers and we come back home and arrange our flowers to make a beautiful "pookalam." Those were real fun mornings.

The other morning that I remember there are the mornings on Vishu. At that time, we wake up by 2 o'clock in the morning to burst the crackers and we used to have lots of them because my uncle used to work for a cracker shop and they used to give him packets of different kinds of crackers for free.So after we finish off everything by 4 in the morning, we sit together in the smoke left off by those crackers and talk about all the previous years we have spent together.Then we get our "kaineetam" from everyone at home. After that before granny starts shouting, we run off to take our baths and rush in new dresses to the temple.

Then comes the mornings at my home, when I was in my 8th standard, just after the Christmas holidays, my dad joined me for tutions at a place about 2 km far from my home and the tutions were from 6 in the morning and that put an end to my enjoying-morn-sleeping days. I had to wake up early, get ready without caring whether it's a dry day or a wet one, mount on my bicycle and rush to the tutions. On those mornings, the first thing I remember is the songs that are played in the temple. Even today, when I hear those same songs from the temple in the morning, I remember my morning tutions. My friend A who is also my neighbor used to accompany me to the tutions. He too had a cycle and we used to ride together talking about everything under the sun. He was a real good company and those morning rides were real fun. It was on one of those mornings that a man started following me on his bicycle and started asking me what's my name. A's cycle had got punctured and he used to walk on those days. So this man started pestering me daily and one day he called me by my name and I was shocked. He looked a real rogue and I thought it's time to put an end to it. I went and told my dad. The next day, he went before I started from home for a walk. That day, I didn't find that man or my father on the way. I wondered what happened. When I came back home, he told me he had confronted the person who was troubling me and had given him a warning and had asked him his whereabouts and he said the guy was terrified. I was happy and I didn't find that person ever anymore. But days later, I found out that the person whom my father had confronted was not the one I wanted him to but he was none other than my crush, S. One day I was talking to S and he told me that a man had questioned him and he had fooled him by saying a wrong name and wrong whereabouts. I smiled sheepishly but didn't let him know that it was my dad, LOL.

The other mornings I remember are the Shivratri mornings when I would sit for the whole night in the temple ground watching Kathakali and then in the morning return home with my friends drowsy like I had a real hangover after drinking the whole night. Why I went to watch Kathakali is a story for yet another post which I will post here sooner. The mornings when I was at Coimbatore were real fun. There also my work used to start at 6 in the morn and we used to make black tea in the morning and drink it so fast and rush out in groups to the office which was just 15 minutes away from the house where we 6 stayed.I loved those walks because the place where our house was situated was a bit remote one and it was a real beautiful place with lots of open fields, big trees lining the roads, a Ganapathy temple on the way, a Men's gym on the way (LOL), and we could even spot peacocks on the way to our office.Before that during my training days, I used to live in the hostel and at those times, I used to go to the open terrace above the fourth floor and used to study there in the early mornings to avoid the din of the lower storeys. The wind used to be so strong above there and it used to be so cold in the winter months but i did love those mornings when I would sit on the chair there and watch the sun coming out bright and happy.

The mornings which I spent at my father's sis' house during my vacations are also noteworthy. There I had no other job other than eating, reading, playing alone (because none of the guys or gals of my age were there). So I used to climb the tall champac tree in the courtyard of the house and used to sit on one of its high branches and read my books. I used to sit there till lunch time. Those mornings up on the trees were lovely. Once my aunt couldn't find me anywhere in the house and searched me everywhere and on the end my uncle found me up in the tree immersed in my book unaware of the surroundings.

The mornings that I hated most were the ones when I had to travel to Coimbatore from my home on early Monday morning. I hated that bus trip because throughout the trip I used to sleep with my bag as my pillow on my lap. That was horrible because by the time the bus reaches the bus station, my neck would have got a bloody cramp and I had to catch another bus from there again which would be so crowded to my house. I really hated those mornings.

I think I have really dragged away my post to a lengthy one. So its time to close the post here. Will come back to talk to you again. Till then, Have a really sweet day dudes ...

I took the Sunset Test....

You Crave an Important Life

Your dream is to live a life that leaves a mark. You'd like to have a mission or journey to complete, even if it takes years. You want your life to be meaningful, and having a final goal brings you meaning. You'd like to accomplish something big, if only to inspire others to believe it can be done.

The Sunset Test

Adieu my little angel...

Today will be a day i'll be forever remembering all through my life.I know i've not been blogging anything since last month and my blog has got very meager contents when compared to others' but i don't mind that now because i enjoyed my past days a lot being busy with a new little loving thing that had come into my life just two and a half weeks past.I am talking about the little baby squirrel that i got from our backyard when the man who plucks the coconut from the trees had orphaned it from its mother.I wanted to return it back to its mama, but she was nowhere to be found. So i thought of waiting till evening and so i put the baby along with its nest between the pepper climber on the arecanut tree. But, you know, i have got a demon cat in my home which loves to give the death penalty to squirrels. So it was not safe for the baby on that tree since my cat is an excellent tree climber. So me and my sis waited patiently a bit far from the tree watching out for the cat and waiting for the mama to come and then the cat came and saw that there was a squirrel in that nest, i was just about to catch the cat before it started climbing the tree, that the baby's mama who was seeing everything from up above the nearby coconut tree (about which we were unaware) jumped upon the cat to save its kid. I have never witnessed such bravado from any animal before. It was such an act of great motherly love. The cat caught the mother in the mouth and ran inside the house. Me and my sis ran behind him and caught the cat and the mother ran outside the house faster and luckily, it escaped but i dont know if it survived or not because till today she hasn't come back for her child.

So, from that day,the baby squirrel became my little "Tutu". For the first two days, he didn't bother to even come out of the nest.The whole two days it sat in its nest but when i gave milk to it in an ink filler, it showed its mouth out and drank some drops. The third day, i decided to take it out of its nest and i gave it a clean cloth to nuzzle.After a couple days, he started eating grapes and water melon. He just loved grapes and whenever i gave him one, he will jump upon me and eat it all. It was such a sweet sight. Every evening i came home from office enthusiastically to be with my Tutu. I would enter the room, lock it from inside and put Tutu inside my top because he loved to hide inside my dress.On some afternoons, he would even sleep inside there. He would rub noses with me and run all over me.I really started to love him a lot more than i thought.

It was three days back that we got another squirrel from our bathroom the same age as Tutu. It was a bit more experienced with its surroundings and tried to run from us but we were afraid the cat would catch it and so we caught it and thought would give Tutu a friend and then after some days will leave both together. Tutu became good friends with her. They would sit together, play upon each but the new squirrel didn't eat anything from our hands and neither did it come to our side. It was afraid of us. So we decided to leave both to their kingdom outside soon and today was that destined day for their freedom. Tutu was still not ready, i knew that but the other squirrel was getting weaker day by day because of its caged feeling and not eating anything, it was not right to keep it any longer inside and I didn't want Tutu to be alone when he entered the outside world. So i took them both to my neighbor's courtyard and left them both near a tree but the new one ran off leaving Tutu sitting on my shoulder. Tutu held on to me afraid to merge into the new surroundings. I urged him to go with the new one but he remained stuck to me. I hadn't slept a wink last night thinking what will happen to Tutu if i leave him outside. I was so worried, so i was half-minded about leaving Tutu away from my sight and so brought him back to my home but i wanted him to know that his life was upon the trees and not in a confined room. So i decided to put him on the mango tree at our backyard which was a really really bad idea. My sis and myself had tried one time to put him on that same mango tree and by evening when it was going to start raining we had tried hard to get him back from that tree because once on the tree he seemed to forget who we were but at last had caught him and brought back to safety. So this time, when he saw that tree, he just climbed up and ran up to the top. I was happy for him but i was a little doubtful about leaving him there because of our cat. He always waits for any squirrel to slip and fall. I knew everything, damn it!!! Still, i left him there. I thought i was giving him freedom but never thought i am giving him freedom from his life itself. I sent him up there near 8 o'clock in the morn and every 10 minutes i went to see if he was still there and also checked where the cat was. I called him a few times to come down and eat the grapes i had kept for him, but he didn't listen and ran more up again.The time was 11.30, i was still checking on him every 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes i checked on him, he was standing on the top of the tree hanging on the middle branch. For the last 20 minutes, he had been up in that same position.I went inside and was chopping some onion when i heard a squirrel's cry!!! I ran out and what i saw was heart wrenching.The cat was standing right under that mango tree with Tutu in its mouth. I shouted and ran at him. He ran faster than me and jumped over the wall to the ground beyond. I too jumped after him. He didn't keep the squirrel down even for a second. When he saw me running after him, he jumped back into our courtyard. I cried and jumped behind him. He ran again around the well and suddenly he disappeared. I couldn't make out where he went. Not inside the house, not around the courtyard, nowhere was he. I cried out his name loud but there was no other sounds other than my shivering voice. I turned and looked at our neighbor's plantation ground beyond the wall. There was the cat with the squirrel down at his feet. He had finished him and was sitting near it with victory shining in its eyes. I jumped that wall and ran to the place but.......every thing was over....My Tutu had left this dark world forever leaving me teary eyed. I took its soft, small body in my palm.I can still feel the warmth of it in my hands.There were no wounds on the body. He had died of shock. His eyes were half closed. I closed them completely. I cried aloud not even thinking of the surroundings. I jumped the wall back into my courtyard and just sat there in the mud. I don't know if i was out of my senses. But it was bitter grief that i felt at that time. My heart was breaking into pieces just looking at my beloved little thing. I don't know how long i sat there and cried. My face was all smeared with sweat and tears and i was feeling weary. No one was at home today when all this happened, so i was at my own free will to cry howmuchever i wanted.

Then my sister came and she too cried and we buried him near the coconut tree from which we had first got him.I have heard from some preacher that we should never ask God "why this happened" when something terrible happens in our life. It's some sort of questioning which God never wants to hear from us. We are his creatures and we should recieve what he gives us. He wants us to accept everything, good or bad, without questioning him.But what should i ask to god in such circumstances other than "WHY?" If God wanted to take him away from me in such a grotesque manner, why didn't he do it before itself? Before it became my pet?? I know i am half responsible for its death. I shouldn't have let it go when it was so young. I should have waited but if i had waited for some more time he would be more alienated from nature than ever. I didnt want him to be an ignorant squirrel. But i also didn't want him to die like this. I dont know who should be blamed here....my amma who asked me to leave it on the trees as soon as i can so that it does not become alienated or myself who left it on that particular tree for the cat to catch or the cat itself who caught such innocent creatures for fun or God who wanted to take him back to his world...Wherever he is now, i know he will have become a little angel with wings on his sides, i can imagine him like that now....He will forever dwell in my heart....Adieu my angel....

It's my B'day today!!!!

Your Birthday Predicts You're Fiery

Ever since you were born, you've loved taking risks. You crave excitement and thrills. You are driven by your passion. You may have a wild streak, but you also love learning and experiencing life. You're multi-faceted and can't be labeled. You're sexy, smart, flexible, and stubborn.

Well, I think what Blogtings has predicted about me is almost true....

Okay, Time Again To Celebrate the Glory of God !!!

Yeah,It's time again for another of my birthday due in some 4 more days. So, I should be thanking god that i am alive this long, right???My birthdays have not been any special event for celebration at all, actually i don't remember someone making me cut a cake for my birthday even once in my lifetime.But cutting a cake is not the only thing birthday is all about, right??My birthday involves wishes from my loved ones, going to temple to thank god that i am alive on this earth for such a long time (even if it is to bring trouble for others),wearing whatever things new i can get hold of from my almirah, distributing sweets to friends, doing my routine activities (yeah,sure that changes every year),cajoling amma to make some payasam for me and so on. So birthdays are no big deal other than the happiness i get from that "It's My B'day" feel.

Talking about birthday gifts, i don't remember receiving any special gift except the windchime that i got from my buddy Sindhu when i was in my pre-degree. She turned up in the morning at my home and gave me this sweet looking, green colored. stick like windchime that i tied in my room the moment i got it and listened to it singing in the wind.Yea, i think that was the sole gift that i have ever got from my friends or anyone around in my predegree days.You sure must be pitying me, right???Poor me, what else should I say...

Then the other gifts i remember receiving was a beautiful blue handbag, a lovely Devdas bangle and a cute handmade gift from my Mercian friends when i was doing my graduation. But now that i am really thinking about the gifts i got, why didn't they give me any gift in my first and second years???Why only in the third year??Were they afraid that i will leave them and choose someone else if they didn't gift me at least in the last year?? How irresponsible...

The one birthday that i remember bright and clear is from my Coimbatore days.I was doing my training there and if am right,it was my 23rd b'day.I had a friend there named Tamarai.She was the bestest but i unfortunately lost her because of a big misunderstanding.I'll update you on that story later.So on the eve of my b'day,i was totally unaware of my roommates' plans.I was all prepared for my b'day with a cute blue dress and orange and coconut flavored Haldiram's Soan Papdi (that's my amma's favorite too) for everyone in my room and class.So I had my friends in another one room as well as 4 people in my room.Usually I was the person who sleeps early, by 10 o'clock the least.The others always stays up and my buddy Arunya always sleeps only around 2 after her rounds in all the other rooms in our floor(remember, that counts to nearly 20 rooms).If i start talking about her now,am sure i wont be able to finish this note, so let me stop about her here.So, this particular day, I was the one staying up and everyone else had made their beds, including Arunya, and someone had started to even snore (that was dhevi from the next room, she sometimes sleeps in ours becoz she was the only one left alone in another room from our batch).I was wondering what happened, was something wrong with the vegetable biriyani they had served in the mess that Thursday eve?But then, why was i not sleepy?But i was not at all suspicious about anything. Eventually, i too went off to sleep reading a book as i usually do.By the time i switched off the light, everyone were snoring off in their beds.

I dreamed of many things.If i remember right, i was running through a forest, don't know how i reached there and i could see heavybuilt people following me, god knows for what.Suddenly someone called my name !!!! For a moment, my breath was arrested.I sat bolt upright on my bunk bed.I could see someone holding a candle light in the darkness but couldn't see any one holding it. The candle light was standing in the air.I shouted, Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.....That's it, and there were everyone singing "Happy B'day to you...." with music from one musical greeting card accompanying their singing.Then i came to my senses and realized that i was the victim of their plot....Everyone came and kissed me and wished me long life and fed me with chocolates and cup cakes in the middle of the night and gifted me with a copy of A.P.J.Abdul Kalam's Ignited Minds.That was a wonderful surprise B'day night.

So,let me see how my b'day turns out this year friends....Have a good time and don't forget to wish me and send me gifts....Luv you all...

The Story Continues Even If It Can't be Considered a Story...Whew!

So, it's been a long time since i posted anything real in here and i think i've been beating around the bush a lot. So it's high time i get back to where i'd ended my personal story and i think i need to upkeep this blog every day because I have joined 20sb as you can see on my page and i really want to make my blog honed to all those out there whom i love.

My pre-degree course came to an end and now i was a free bird but at the same time a lot of worries filled up my mind as to what course i should choose next. And it was pretty difficult for an average student like me to get admission in a course that i really wanted but as usual i hoped everything will turn the right way because god was with me, I believed. Most of my friends got through the entrance and were going to become Doctors and Engineers as that was the most preferred course for everyone. Not much aimed for anything different from that path. I am not blaming those who considered pursuing those as career but why can't people be more creative and do things differently??? Okay, don't think am still of that opinion because am not; as these are the jobs that bring good bucks our way and that's the most important factor with which you can even become creative one day,hah!!!So, in the end I managed to get admission to Bachelor of Science in Chemistry at a "Women's College". The saddest part was that within the quotes. The day came for the interview and admission and i was waiting in the waiting area with my dad. To speak truly,it was a beautiful college with a beautiful atmosphere, but none of that entered my eyes. I was somewhere else, I loved my previous college, even if its buildings were old, gutting and the grounds covered with weeds and years of trash, I loved that place more than this.I felt tears in my eyes because I didn't want to study in any other place in my home town other than my old college but my marks were against my chances. And then I became a Mercian from Victorian (am just making that up from my college names, so don't get confused).

My new college was beautiful in all respects. There was a big beautiful garden all around, a huge auditorium, an excellent library, a good canteen and even a cool ice cream stall except that i was surrounded by just green salwar kameezes(that was the uniform) and dupattas. No guys anywhere other than the drivers of our buses and slowly, I started to merge into the green sea and became one among them. Within two weeks, the Fresher's Day of the college was arranged when all the first year students were to perform for their seniors and entertain them for a full 1 hour. I too joined up as i thought i sang pretty okay and you know what, my song Chaha he tujhko from Mann movie got the biggest applause. The whole college came to know about me and i was just floating in the air for at least one month after that event and thus i started to like the college.

Now, when i think about the time i spent in that college, i think a women's college is the most safest place to study with no disturbance, no comments from neighbors. You can wear whatever you want the way you want, walk however you like, talk whatever you want, and even do whatever you want in the classroom during recess. There are no restrictions and no ill will and my class of 24 was a real good one with girls who were really afraid of teachers. Sometimes they behaved like kids but i really changed a lot of them by asking them to show courage and not behave like kids. Most of the girls were from "Girl's schools" and so has never faced any offish behavior from guys which can make them strong. This will be the only reason i'd opt for a college with both guys and gals as a girl's college would be nicer in all other respects.

My three years of college came to an end very fast. If you ask me whether it was a boring life over there, Ya, it sometimes was but my group of five including me had fun every moment we were together. Neels was a bit on the heavier side, but she was an excellent dancer and cutie of the college and teachers' pet, Resh was beautiful but really awkward at times, Div was a sweetheart with no too much talk and no too less talk, she was just the highfalutin type, Smitu was the real fun kind, the jokes she cracked mostly from old movies (ya, she even remember the correct dialogues), that too in between our Hindi madame's classes just made us roll on our stomachs and because we were always the latecomers and the backbenchers in her class, she didn't care much in the 70-something-filled classroom.

More on my Mercian days will follow.....