March 30, 2009

Morning Makes Me Dwell into the Past...

Posted by Ams at 3/30/2009 07:27:00 AM 0 nailing

So....I am here on this early morning thinking of things that I don't understand why I am thinking today.The sun is just beginning to peep out and its lukewarm rays are just hitting me tenderly.I can hear the birds chirping out on the trees and could feel the cool breeze coming into my room. And I started to think of all those wonderful mornings I had through my life and thought of putting those out here.

To tell the truth about, I am a lazybones especially in the matter of getting up early in the morning but I can do that if need arises without any complaints. These days I wake up by 5.30 in the morning just because I got to start my work at home by 6. But that doesn't give me an option of enjoying the morning. So I am leaving out those mornings when I am working. Other than that, the early morning of my teenage years is what I remember pretty well. I have spent most of my holidays at my mother's house which is in a remote village about 80 km far from where I live now. There, our grandma was a real strict one on the matter of waking up in the morn, bathing, and going to the temple which we three (includes my two cousins) never could agree to. So we used to sleep like anything in the mornings and granny starts shouting but since we sleep upstairs and granny can't climb the stairs we used to escape from a direct encounter from her early in the morning but used to get what we deserved by breakfast time because we can't skip out that, you know....But the mornings there during some festival days like Vishu or Onam were splendid ones. On Onam, we used to wake up early and go to the nearby fields to pluck flowers for our flower carpet. Those cool, dewy mornings of August were the ones that I really hold close to my heart. We three had little bags made of palm leaf which we fill up with small pretty flowers and we come back home and arrange our flowers to make a beautiful "pookalam." Those were real fun mornings.

The other morning that I remember there are the mornings on Vishu. At that time, we wake up by 2 o'clock in the morning to burst the crackers and we used to have lots of them because my uncle used to work for a cracker shop and they used to give him packets of different kinds of crackers for free.So after we finish off everything by 4 in the morning, we sit together in the smoke left off by those crackers and talk about all the previous years we have spent together.Then we get our "kaineetam" from everyone at home. After that before granny starts shouting, we run off to take our baths and rush in new dresses to the temple.

Then comes the mornings at my home, when I was in my 8th standard, just after the Christmas holidays, my dad joined me for tutions at a place about 2 km far from my home and the tutions were from 6 in the morning and that put an end to my enjoying-morn-sleeping days. I had to wake up early, get ready without caring whether it's a dry day or a wet one, mount on my bicycle and rush to the tutions. On those mornings, the first thing I remember is the songs that are played in the temple. Even today, when I hear those same songs from the temple in the morning, I remember my morning tutions. My friend A who is also my neighbor used to accompany me to the tutions. He too had a cycle and we used to ride together talking about everything under the sun. He was a real good company and those morning rides were real fun. It was on one of those mornings that a man started following me on his bicycle and started asking me what's my name. A's cycle had got punctured and he used to walk on those days. So this man started pestering me daily and one day he called me by my name and I was shocked. He looked a real rogue and I thought it's time to put an end to it. I went and told my dad. The next day, he went before I started from home for a walk. That day, I didn't find that man or my father on the way. I wondered what happened. When I came back home, he told me he had confronted the person who was troubling me and had given him a warning and had asked him his whereabouts and he said the guy was terrified. I was happy and I didn't find that person ever anymore. But days later, I found out that the person whom my father had confronted was not the one I wanted him to but he was none other than my crush, S. One day I was talking to S and he told me that a man had questioned him and he had fooled him by saying a wrong name and wrong whereabouts. I smiled sheepishly but didn't let him know that it was my dad, LOL.

The other mornings I remember are the Shivratri mornings when I would sit for the whole night in the temple ground watching Kathakali and then in the morning return home with my friends drowsy like I had a real hangover after drinking the whole night. Why I went to watch Kathakali is a story for yet another post which I will post here sooner. The mornings when I was at Coimbatore were real fun. There also my work used to start at 6 in the morn and we used to make black tea in the morning and drink it so fast and rush out in groups to the office which was just 15 minutes away from the house where we 6 stayed.I loved those walks because the place where our house was situated was a bit remote one and it was a real beautiful place with lots of open fields, big trees lining the roads, a Ganapathy temple on the way, a Men's gym on the way (LOL), and we could even spot peacocks on the way to our office.Before that during my training days, I used to live in the hostel and at those times, I used to go to the open terrace above the fourth floor and used to study there in the early mornings to avoid the din of the lower storeys. The wind used to be so strong above there and it used to be so cold in the winter months but i did love those mornings when I would sit on the chair there and watch the sun coming out bright and happy.

The mornings which I spent at my father's sis' house during my vacations are also noteworthy. There I had no other job other than eating, reading, playing alone (because none of the guys or gals of my age were there). So I used to climb the tall champac tree in the courtyard of the house and used to sit on one of its high branches and read my books. I used to sit there till lunch time. Those mornings up on the trees were lovely. Once my aunt couldn't find me anywhere in the house and searched me everywhere and on the end my uncle found me up in the tree immersed in my book unaware of the surroundings.

The mornings that I hated most were the ones when I had to travel to Coimbatore from my home on early Monday morning. I hated that bus trip because throughout the trip I used to sleep with my bag as my pillow on my lap. That was horrible because by the time the bus reaches the bus station, my neck would have got a bloody cramp and I had to catch another bus from there again which would be so crowded to my house. I really hated those mornings.

I think I have really dragged away my post to a lengthy one. So its time to close the post here. Will come back to talk to you again. Till then, Have a really sweet day dudes ...

March 24, 2009

I took the Sunset Test....

Posted by Ams at 3/24/2009 02:41:00 PM 0 nailing



You Crave an Important Life



Your dream is to live a life that leaves a mark.

You'd like to have a mission or journey to complete, even if it takes years.



You want your life to be meaningful, and having a final goal brings you meaning.

You'd like to accomplish something big, if only to inspire others to believe it can be done.

March 22, 2009

Adieu my little angel...

Posted by Ams at 3/22/2009 07:20:00 PM 1 nailing

Today will be a day i'll be forever remembering all through my life.I know i've not been blogging anything since last month and my blog has got very meager contents when compared to others' but i don't mind that now because i enjoyed my past days a lot being busy with a new little loving thing that had come into my life just two and a half weeks past.I am talking about the little baby squirrel that i got from our backyard when the man who plucks the coconut from the trees had orphaned it from its mother.I wanted to return it back to its mama, but she was nowhere to be found. So i thought of waiting till evening and so i put the baby along with its nest between the pepper climber on the arecanut tree. But, you know, i have got a demon cat in my home which loves to give the death penalty to squirrels. So it was not safe for the baby on that tree since my cat is an excellent tree climber. So me and my sis waited patiently a bit far from the tree watching out for the cat and waiting for the mama to come and then the cat came and saw that there was a squirrel in that nest, i was just about to catch the cat before it started climbing the tree, that the baby's mama who was seeing everything from up above the nearby coconut tree (about which we were unaware) jumped upon the cat to save its kid. I have never witnessed such bravado from any animal before. It was such an act of great motherly love. The cat caught the mother in the mouth and ran inside the house. Me and my sis ran behind him and caught the cat and the mother ran outside the house faster and luckily, it escaped but i dont know if it survived or not because till today she hasn't come back for her child.

So, from that day,the baby squirrel became my little "Tutu". For the first two days, he didn't bother to even come out of the nest.The whole two days it sat in its nest but when i gave milk to it in an ink filler, it showed its mouth out and drank some drops. The third day, i decided to take it out of its nest and i gave it a clean cloth to nuzzle.After a couple days, he started eating grapes and water melon. He just loved grapes and whenever i gave him one, he will jump upon me and eat it all. It was such a sweet sight. Every evening i came home from office enthusiastically to be with my Tutu. I would enter the room, lock it from inside and put Tutu inside my top because he loved to hide inside my dress.On some afternoons, he would even sleep inside there. He would rub noses with me and run all over me.I really started to love him a lot more than i thought.

It was three days back that we got another squirrel from our bathroom the same age as Tutu. It was a bit more experienced with its surroundings and tried to run from us but we were afraid the cat would catch it and so we caught it and thought would give Tutu a friend and then after some days will leave both together. Tutu became good friends with her. They would sit together, play upon each but the new squirrel didn't eat anything from our hands and neither did it come to our side. It was afraid of us. So we decided to leave both to their kingdom outside soon and today was that destined day for their freedom. Tutu was still not ready, i knew that but the other squirrel was getting weaker day by day because of its caged feeling and not eating anything, it was not right to keep it any longer inside and I didn't want Tutu to be alone when he entered the outside world. So i took them both to my neighbor's courtyard and left them both near a tree but the new one ran off leaving Tutu sitting on my shoulder. Tutu held on to me afraid to merge into the new surroundings. I urged him to go with the new one but he remained stuck to me. I hadn't slept a wink last night thinking what will happen to Tutu if i leave him outside. I was so worried, so i was half-minded about leaving Tutu away from my sight and so brought him back to my home but i wanted him to know that his life was upon the trees and not in a confined room. So i decided to put him on the mango tree at our backyard which was a really really bad idea. My sis and myself had tried one time to put him on that same mango tree and by evening when it was going to start raining we had tried hard to get him back from that tree because once on the tree he seemed to forget who we were but at last had caught him and brought back to safety. So this time, when he saw that tree, he just climbed up and ran up to the top. I was happy for him but i was a little doubtful about leaving him there because of our cat. He always waits for any squirrel to slip and fall. I knew everything, damn it!!! Still, i left him there. I thought i was giving him freedom but never thought i am giving him freedom from his life itself. I sent him up there near 8 o'clock in the morn and every 10 minutes i went to see if he was still there and also checked where the cat was. I called him a few times to come down and eat the grapes i had kept for him, but he didn't listen and ran more up again.The time was 11.30, i was still checking on him every 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes i checked on him, he was standing on the top of the tree hanging on the middle branch. For the last 20 minutes, he had been up in that same position.I went inside and was chopping some onion when i heard a squirrel's cry!!! I ran out and what i saw was heart wrenching.The cat was standing right under that mango tree with Tutu in its mouth. I shouted and ran at him. He ran faster than me and jumped over the wall to the ground beyond. I too jumped after him. He didn't keep the squirrel down even for a second. When he saw me running after him, he jumped back into our courtyard. I cried and jumped behind him. He ran again around the well and suddenly he disappeared. I couldn't make out where he went. Not inside the house, not around the courtyard, nowhere was he. I cried out his name loud but there was no other sounds other than my shivering voice. I turned and looked at our neighbor's plantation ground beyond the wall. There was the cat with the squirrel down at his feet. He had finished him and was sitting near it with victory shining in its eyes. I jumped that wall and ran to the place but.......every thing was over....My Tutu had left this dark world forever leaving me teary eyed. I took its soft, small body in my palm.I can still feel the warmth of it in my hands.There were no wounds on the body. He had died of shock. His eyes were half closed. I closed them completely. I cried aloud not even thinking of the surroundings. I jumped the wall back into my courtyard and just sat there in the mud. I don't know if i was out of my senses. But it was bitter grief that i felt at that time. My heart was breaking into pieces just looking at my beloved little thing. I don't know how long i sat there and cried. My face was all smeared with sweat and tears and i was feeling weary. No one was at home today when all this happened, so i was at my own free will to cry howmuchever i wanted.

Then my sister came and she too cried and we buried him near the coconut tree from which we had first got him.I have heard from some preacher that we should never ask God "why this happened" when something terrible happens in our life. It's some sort of questioning which God never wants to hear from us. We are his creatures and we should recieve what he gives us. He wants us to accept everything, good or bad, without questioning him.But what should i ask to god in such circumstances other than "WHY?" If God wanted to take him away from me in such a grotesque manner, why didn't he do it before itself? Before it became my pet?? I know i am half responsible for its death. I shouldn't have let it go when it was so young. I should have waited but if i had waited for some more time he would be more alienated from nature than ever. I didnt want him to be an ignorant squirrel. But i also didn't want him to die like this. I dont know who should be blamed here....my amma who asked me to leave it on the trees as soon as i can so that it does not become alienated or myself who left it on that particular tree for the cat to catch or the cat itself who caught such innocent creatures for fun or God who wanted to take him back to his world...Wherever he is now, i know he will have become a little angel with wings on his sides, i can imagine him like that now....He will forever dwell in my heart....Adieu my angel....
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