Okay, so it's been a long time since I had been here, but you know that's not unusual for the woman that I am, lazy, procrastinating, and sleepy.But I had been on the blog world a lot in these days, it's just that I couldn't get out of my hibernation on my blog.
I've gotten a lot busy these days trying to acquire a much better job since it is recession time and you don't know when you'll lose your job even though I have got a secure job at hand but am still under the mercy of the Americans. If they decide to stop sending jobs to India, I might end up jobless. So just in case....That's why am struggling these days for a more secure jobe in the banking field. Got not even one day off of my schedule. I have got classes on Sunday and most of the afternoons when I am having less jobs at office. So that's what I have been busy at. I have got some pressure from my coach about taking a leave before the exams that I am intending to take up, but I am just not ready to take a leave from my job for the exams even though I know it might turn worthy. Anyway, let's see what happens.
Today is Eid-Ul-Fitr. The holy day of the Muslims. While passing through the Muslim dominated area on the way to my office, I could get a waft of the biriyani from the houses all along. Long back, I was very religious and considered my religion to be the best but not now. Now, am a secular person. Maybe my life circumstances made me to believe in secularism to survive in this world. I realized that man has only one religion and that is humanity. We all offer our prayers to a supreme power who we believe created us. So now I don't need any pictures or a cross or any such material things to pray to my god. When I close my eyes, I can see him and feel him and talk to him. My supreme power has no gender. He even becomes a she at times according to what I need to talk to him/her. I, who used to be in the temples at least 15 hours a day during festivals, never visit even once during those days now. I rarely go to temple to see my God. I believe my God walking along with me wherever I am. He saves me and he punishes me. That's what I believe in now.
It's with great agony that I am writing this. Just now, am searching for words to write what's in my heart. I am not at peace. Things are bothering me. The past, the present, and the future. I feel like everything related with me is under a whammy. I feel like I am doomed. The positive spirt in me is dying out. I need to keep myself alert lest I lose myself as an aftermath of the events happening in my life. Part of me is yearning for my lost love (the biggest part). Part of me is yearning for that beautiful life which my parents wanted me to have with someone I couldn't accept. Part of me wants my present, the one who says he is living just for me. I was good at making decisions earlier but now, I have been daunted by strange things in my life. No one will believe it if I tell them that this is what has happened to or is happening in my life. Everybody knows what kind of a girl I am, chirpy, easy going, a bit introverted but still mingling freely with every soul, taking things practically (might be a bit too practically than people of my age). So what is happening to me is something which people who know about me cannot accept. Why should I talk about other people? Even I have become so petulant recently when I think of the uncanny situations I am having in my life.
Sometimes, while riding my bike, I think of becoming a Super Girl, a girl who has got supernatural powers, one who can fly, one who can raise her bike to such speed that people on her way fly off merely by the force of her speed. I imagine myself as a girl in a black attire fully equipped with every harmful weapon in the world to punish those who are cruel to people and animals. How I wish to be of that species!!!
I think I have started rambling a lot. So time to stop it. Let me move on guys to a better tomorrow where my wishes become the wishes of the people around me who love me...
