Did I miss the train???

The title might have baffled you because I am sitting here and posting on my blog, so how can it be possible for me to miss a train? But I am talking about the train in which my future was residing.Ya, I did miss that train and now it has gone away to such a faraway place from where it's hard for me to drag it back and even if I drag it back I am not optimistic that I can travel happily on that train. It's true that opportunities come only once and it's totally true that a wiser man has to grab the opportunity that comes to him, coldblooded. You should'nt wait to think what will happen to you or your loved ones if you do a particular thing because thoughts are the one thing that can change your life forever. If you are totally not getting into what I am talking about, I will give you the details. Before that, there is a doubt creeping into my mind now: Have I started to make my blog my diary? If so, please don't feel bad about reading me because I have started to trust my page with my life and I am willing to pour out myself on these pages as this is giving me a chance to have a good look at myself and what I was and what I am.

So, you all might have read the poem that I had posted before this. Yeah, it's true that I do love a person madly, madly enough to let myself become his slave if he wants but nothing of that sort is going to happen because even if he knows about me more than anyone else and even if I know about him more than anyone else, he is not willing to make me his better half. The reasons are plenty and I know each and every reason of his by heart. Now you might be wondering, have I given up? Ya, I have sort of given up, but that too for him. There is no point in clinging to a person who doesn't nurture the same feelings that you have for him; moreover, if he is having second thoughts about me as to whether this relation could bring him happiness or not or will this relationship break off all his other relationships, there is no meaning in hanging on to him. Hang on to the person who can make you feel secure, make you feel his but here nothing of that sort is there.

It's true that I have been loving him so deeply from the time he came into my life and he knows that well but he is not ready to accept it in front of the world and partly, I have given him the reasons for not doing so, that 's my mistake, I agree, but he knows the situation that changed my life forever. He knows how much I have gone through, how much I suffered. Still, he is not ready yet for anything risky. How can I make him understand that this is not a risky thing? This is his life, more than mine, I want his happiness. He knows I can never make him sad like I did to others but when will he realize it completely and return to me? I still don't know for sure if that will happen.

Everything happened in the December of 2005. Let's call him 'my guy.' I knew him long before but had never met him except twice when i was studying. He is one of my relations (and pretty close that is) but I was not very familiar with him because he never used to come for any of our family occasions. In that unfortunate month, there at my cousin's wedding, I met him after many long years. It was surprising to know that he was a very fun loving dude and he made friends with all of my cousins very soon. Nothing much happened on that day but my phone number got passed to him through his sister. It was not purposely done, among all of my cousins' numbers, he got my number too. After coming home, his image was lurking in my mind (but I knew that it will pass) but didn't take much notice of my feelings at the time because I knew much better than anybody else that he was not my type and I was not his but I wanted to keep him among my friends' group, so just messagd him from my phone (The 1st Biggest Mistake of My Life). That's how everything got started........