LOVE U AMMA.....

Mother’s day!!!! We all celebrated it without knowing who started this day!!!Well, The modern Mother's Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia, USA. Anna Maria Reeves Jarvis, her mother, was a social activist and organizer during and after the American Civil War. Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.

This post am about to write is totally dedicated to my loving mother. I know there are people who have loved their mothers more than I do and also conveyed it through their action unlike me and that is the sole reason why my mother is special. I have never been able to give her what she deserved but still she loves me unconditionally.

My mother is from a local village bordering Palghat and Malappuram. She lived a normal or you may call it a below normal childhood with no dolls to play with and to speak frankly, it was certainly not a colourful childhood. She is the youngest of the three children to her parents and her mother had been a strict orthodox which only made my mother an atheist gradually due to the strict and compulsory rules she had to follow to in God's name. She used to nurture the dream of becoming a Hindi teacher but she could barely pass her matriculation because there was so much domestic jobs at home those days. This never gave her time to concentrate on her studies and moreover, there were no tuition centres in those times which could aide in her studies, especially mathematics, in which she was too weak.

After her matriculation, she was afraid to join for higher studies. She lacked confidence in herself. She joined typewriting, passed both higher and lower exams. She then started stitching as a hobby. But here also her confidence came in the way and she never stitched anything other than her own dresses.

And finally, she got married to my father who was from a high profile family of Ponnani in Malappuram and she reached Kolkata where he was working at the time. That was the first time she travelled by train. In those days, my father earned much less compared to what the youngsters do these days. He had rented a small quarters in Kolkata and my mother had to stay within the house until he returns in the evening. She was unable to mingle with the neighbours too as she was not well versed in Bengali. Slowly, she learned the language and was able to talk with her neighbours. My father was never a person to entertain friends at home. Even today, he don’t have any friendships that I remember about. He used to keep everyone at a bay and he never allowed any outsider to be closer to him than his family. Hence my mother also lacked friendships other than a few neighbours.

After I came into their life, their life became more difficult. I was a child who was unhealthy and they had to run with me to the doctor once in a while. My father used to blame amma whenever I fell ill saying that she didn’t take proper care of me. Poor her!!! She has suffered so much for me. I had this bad habit of not sleeping  unless amma made me sway on her lap. I used to cry until she did that and that should be continued until I sleep. Amma used to get leg pain because of that. I have troubled her to such an extent even in the matter of eating food. I was such a slow eater and had an aversion to food, especially milk. I hate milk!!!!(not now though). She had to pamper me with stories and when she turns impatient, I used to get nice thrashings which made me gulp the food in a few seconds.

Life was going smooth until 2006. My amma always packed me everything that I needed, my favourite food and drinks whenever I left home for the workplace, at the time, Kovai. She used to wake up early to prepare everything when I will be snoring away.

I gave her so much pain with that one incident in 2006 which changed all our lives. That is the worst year of my life and I just want to erase it out of my life. I know she can never forgive me for what I did because that incident took away her respectful life in the society. She has come to terms with it still. I know that. I can understand that. If I had a daughter, maybe I too will react the same. So I have got nothing against her for blaming me for what happened. I accept it. But I don’t regret about it. It’s just that I feel sorry that I couldn’t be the daughter she wanted me to be.

She still loves me the same even if I made her life so hard. She still packs me the best food in the world waking up early in the morning leaving everything else, prepares what I like the most and buys for me the best things she can manage. She is the one who gives me courage to do anything under the sun without being afraid of anything like she did in her life. She taught me the best behaviour I have, to keep things neat and tidy, to be sincere in the work that we do and many more such good qualities. I know she loves her two daughters the same and one day I want to give her what she deserves. I have so many plans in my mind but I don’t know when they will get realized. One day, if God forbids, everything will turn back normal and her life will be beautiful than ever because of me because I don’t want to see her hanging her head in shame in front of others because of me. One day she will proudly say that ‘my daughter is the best’.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU AMMA…..