The Aftermath !!!

The scene is the college canteen. Time is nearly 9 o'clock at night. Around the table are two girls and a guy who were very good friends. Opposite their table was the guy whom the three of them hated more than anything with his follower. They were looking at their opposite table, commenting on something and laughing their stupid laughter. The girl on the opposite seat asked them when she couldn't take it any more, "Aap muje dekhke has kyu rahe he?" Her enemy asked innocently, "Mein??? Nahi tho." The girl said, "Mein bhi apko bahut der se dekh rahi hu, aap haste jaa rahe he mere upar." He again said, "Nahi tho, hum tho aapas me has rahe he kisi aur baat pe. Apke upar nahi has rahe he" Then they both stood up and went to wash hands. When they returned they stopped by our table and then we began to laugh between ourselves. He again said, "Bhale mein kyu hasungi apko dekhkar? Mere ankh thoda teda he, isliye kabi kabi aisa lagta he logo ko." Then the girl said, "Ankh tho apke teek hi lag rahi he, muje kuch teda nazar nahi aa raha he." Then he again said, "Nahi, thoda teda he." And he walked two foot and turned again to the girl and said, "Mein apko hi dekhke has rahi thi." The girl felt like slapping him then and there.....But fate took a different turn.

It's a busy railway station. The time is again 9 o'clock in the night. The same guy and his follower are standing there and with them is the girl at whom they had laughed. The three of them are sad but nobody let that show on their faces. She told him, "Ab me tumse kab milungi Chotu? Hum tume bahut miss karenge. Lekin koi aur chaara bhi tho nahi he." He told her not to get upset or cry. By that time, the taxi driver started calling them to come fast leaving the guy at the railway station. There was no more time left to say goodbye. All the good days of friendship comes to an end at that railway station. Two good souls were going to be apart for God knows how long. The girl couldn't control her tears. It was like leaving something that was so precious to her heart forever. She hugged him and he kissed her on her forehead and asked her to leave before he cries. The girl left heavy hearted from the station. She turned to look at him after walking a short distance but he was nowhere to be seen. That was the last she saw of him.

Chotu is the Sid that she hated the most once and she is obviously no one else but your dear blogger!!!

I need to find the answer !

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

How true this saying is!!! I am now here sitting with a long sheet of paper in my hand and typing with just one hand because I need a kind of support to write this post. I need the strength from the person who wants me to write about this here. This paper has his writing, his thoughts, his wishes and what I am to him. Yes, I am his "DOSTI."

Let's now get back to the scene where we stopped the last post. My on-the-job training. On Friday, we got our posting order and Monday morning came frozen and still. I was feeling blue because of my gonna-be OJT partner. Ankita was someone whom I knew well because she had been my project partner as well, so I was at least comfortable that she will be around. Soon I came to know that even she hates Sid. I thought well and good. Now it's two against one.

Well, I got ready, our bus was to leave our home (training centre) at sharp 8 but it started only at 8:30. Three of us, myself, Rems and Lex took a three-seater and it took nearly more than one hour to reach Delhi. Lex was having problems because of her being carrying but she managed somehow. We were all a lot worried about her. I had another worry at the back of my mind - SID!!! Our bus reached the destination first. There were two buses from our centre. We waited for the other bus because Ankita and Sid were on that. I was worried about being left alone. An officer from our office was supposed to accompany us from where the bus left us as it was the first day. After that, we were to come on our own. The office alloted to us was two stations apart from where the bus left us. We were to travel by the metro train. At last, Anki and Sid arrived and the officer who were to take us also reached. We followed him. I was seeing the metro train for the first time in my life and it was a very comfortable travel. We reached the Jhandewalan station within 15 minutes. All this while, I never even looked at Sid as to how he is feeling. Actually, myself and Ankita had planned never to utter a word to him unless absolutely necessary.

We reached CBO 18. It was a small office on the third floor in between a clutter of old buildings. We were introduced to everyone and we took seat near the officer in-charge. Sid was the only experienced person because he had got his real posting already and had been working for two months at the regional office but myself and Anki were freshers and we did not have any idea as to what happens inside the office. Theory is always different from the practical aspect, right? So myself and Ankita exchanged glances and sat bored for about 1 hour. Sid was getting phone calls in between and after about 1 hour he asked permission to go out and left. We let go of our breath and felt a big relief that he was out of our way now. We just wanted him to never come back. It was nearing lunch time and sir was worried of Sid. He ordered food for the two of us only. We didn't know Sid's phone number but somehow managed to get the number from the other guys in our training and gave it to sir. He called up and then he told us that he was with a friend and had his lunch. By 3 o'clock, he turned up. We thought he will get good scolding from sir but nothing like that happened and we were disappointed.

Our first day ended by 4 o'clock. Myself and Ankita said goodbye to sir and walked fast. We could hear Sid's footsteps behind us but we never cared. I felt awkward because never in my life had I faced such a situation like leaving someone in your own group behind for no reason but I followed Anki without thinking more. He might have sensed our urgency to leave him alone but he was on board the metro with us. We ignored him as if he didn't exist at all. I felt good and also bad at the same time. It was strange.

Day #2: We reached office as usual, myself and Ankita first and 10 minutes later Sid. For the first time, he asked us where did we run off. I was the one to answer him always because Anki totally wanted to ignore him. Even I wanted to, but I was not able to be that stone hearted, so I told him Anki wanted to have a coffee, so we hurried. He didn't say anything. Lunch time, we were taken to a restaurant nearby and he sat opposite me which I never thought I will have to ever. He never even looked at me once but ordered what he wanted and kept talking to sir who had accompanied us. I too kept my distance by maintaining my silence with him. I felt like he never bothered whether we ignored him or cared about him. That evening also we hurried back to the bus without waiting for him.

Day #3: I was feeling bad. In the morning, when I got down from the bus, I looked for Sid. He was standing with one of our batchmate and his chamchi a bit far looking for us but hadn't seen us. Anki wanted to avoid him, so I took her through a different side and we escaped alone. We reached office before him. In the evening also the same thing happened. That day, at the training centre, we happened to hear from someone that he had asked why Anki is considering him so bad, as if he had raped someone or what. This question made me giggle at that time but also made me think: "What has he really done to us that we are avoiding him like anything???? Three days have passed and he has never even looked at us in any kind of lusty way. Why am I afraid of him then???"

Day #4: My hatred for him was a bit less on that day. He had brought his laptop to the office on that day and was busy on it the whole day. He was showing everybody his snaps and even showed me his house, his village, his parents, his bhaiya, the temple nearby his house and such things. I didn't show much interest as Ankita was with me. That day, he was with us in the evening while going to board the bus and he was in the bus on my front seat. He was playing like a child with his fellow friends and that was when I started to notice him. A kind of curiosity had risen in my mind. I felt like I should know more about this person. I should know why I hate this person. Is he really someone whom I should hate??? My mind was full of questions that evening when I went to sleep.......

Hatred kills our senses !!!

So I was telling you about my training time at Delhi, right??? Let's go back to Faridabad...

After being in the training module for about four days, I was already bored of the hectic schedule and the looooong theory classes. I was a last but one bencher and the only fun in the class was looking at the front benchers getting bored and getting engaged in various activities. It was Friday, the day when a new guy turned up late for the training - Sid - someone whom I am not going to forget ever. I know you are reading this man!!! Look how you are smiling now!!!

Well, let's make him read it till the end, so this has got to be interesting but I am not going to make it interesting by including things which did not happen but whatever I am going to write here are things that happened! That day, for lunch this guy along with another guy sat at our table. I asked him why he was late and he replied in a very odd way. He was busy with his lunch and didn't even look up at me while eating. So I thought to ask him something else just to see how he replies. On that day, we were to have our weekly tests in the last hour. He was a B.Tech holder and according to him studying for exam was a surprise as he said he had never done that in his life. I felt like punching him, so I asked how did he get through the test and training then. He again replied in his careless style which made me feel like punching him again and from that moment I started to HATE him. I know this is not a reason to hate a person but for me this was a strong reason because I hate people who consider themselves superior to others and still holds the same position as others and I hate people who don't value the things which are socially acceptable (for example, exams). From his conversation, I felt exams were of no value to him. That was too much. I just put a cross for him in my mind on that day. There ends our first rendezvous.

A month went off. He got a friend with him whom we used to call his 'chamchi' because he can be seen with Sid always. We had a friend there who was Sid's room mate and he was always irritated with Sid and we used to add up to his irritation by telling him how much we hated that guy. Sid had a kind of "boyishness" about him. We felt he didn't know how to behave, he didn't know how to make friends, he didn't know how to talk to girls. All in all, we thought him a rogue, a person who is not to be made a friend. Sid always used to make fun of our group in front of his friends - not in a way that we could hear - but from their glances and their laughter when we pass by them, we all knew that he is making fun of us or specially 'me'. This started after he scored the last place in the first week's test. He came to me to tell that he had become first from last in the class and I didn't care to reply and he got pissed off. I knew that was the reason but I just hated the shadow of this person, so why should I bother to hear what he says? This was my attitude towards him.

There were two people in our class about whom we had very good regard - Parvatheeya and Sinha. They were in the good guys list. Parvath was a very good friend of mine until he lost my trust. So there was a badminton match during that time and the final match was to be between Sid+Heman and Parvath+Sinha. I wanted the latter to win. The December evenings at Faridabad were so cold that one cannot stand in the open without covering one's head. On the D-day, I went to see the match and to cheer for my friends. The moment I saw Sid, I felt myself ablaze. I don't know why, but just seeing him made my mercury rise. I wanted him to lose the game. I wanted to shout 'loser' in front of his face. There was some confusion when the match began and Sinha and Parvat were in very low spirits. I told Sinha that they should beat their rivals and it was very necessary to show their "aukaad" [ didn't even know what their aukaad was before or after :)] I started cheering for every shot Sid or Heman missed and for every shot that the rivals gained. I prayed to Lord Ganpati to make my team win. The match was at 9-2. There was no way that Parvat-Sinha could win. I heard Parvat shouting for water. No one bothered to give them water. I am a person who will do anything from my side if I trust a person as my pal. I ran from where I stood to the canteen which was a bit far. I searched up and down for a bottle there and got one and filled it up with water and ran back to the court. By that time, everyone was cheering and I first searched for Sid to see what was the final result. I spotted him in between some guys, his head down. I saw people congratulating Parvat. I ran to him to give him the water he had asked for. I knew who won. I congratulated the winners. I celebrated Sid's loss in my mind. but how foolish was I !!!!

Sid slowly became my enemy or rather he didn't become, I made him my enemy by growing such thoughts about him in my mind, by growing hatred towards him in my mind. Whenever I was in front of him, I could feel his eyes following me. Was it just my feeling or was it really so? Because I never dared to look at him as I just hate to see his face.

Days went by. During the training, we had a system of submitting our diaries every day with all the previous day's notes. One day, my friends came running to me with my diary. They showed me a page with some scribblings. It was written "Very good. Keep it up" on a note on which I had scored just 5/10. Instantly, I knew it was "HIM". No one else dared write such a thing in my diary. I felt myself enraged but I didn't want to make it an issue just then. I wanted to get him held for something bigger. My friends asked me to report against him but I knew that was foolishness. I told them to wait as if we don't know who has done it and we will catch him the next time he does the same thing. The next day, I saw him searching for the diary at the counter. Seeing me, he just started to talk to the nearby person as if he was there for something else. I stared at him for some time and left. Hatred was welling up in my heart.

On the 7th of Dec, our on-the-job training was about to begin at one of the Delhi offices. Every one was to be divided into a group of 5 to 8 people and will be sent to various branches and divisional offices in Delhi. Everyone was afraid as to with whom will they be put in as the training was to go on for 15 days. The day came when we were to receive our appointed office. Everyone was assembled in the room. Sir was calling each one and giving them the envelope with the details regarding the office to which we will be send and the in-charge's name etc. I was afraid of just one thing: Being put with Sid in a group. Though our numbers were far apart, I had a feeling in my heart that I will be put with him. I prayed to god to save me, to either put me with my friends or to put me in a group where Parvat will be there because I considered him a good friend of mine. Finally, my turn came. I had got CBO-18 at Jhandewalan Extention in Delhi along with Ankita and SID. My world stopped there at that moment. I felt tears rolling down. I went and collected the envelope, didn't even bother to open it to see the particulars. I just laid on the desk and hid my face. Everyone was asking my friends why was I upset. They got angry at my crying. They consoled me but I was angry at them. I shouted at Lekshmy that day in the room because she was saying she felt that I was being childish and she was feeling ashamed of me. I cried the whole evening.

But never did I know at that moment that my tears were meaningless and that the days to follow were going to be the best days of my life......

Wait for the next part!