Deviating a bit....My poetic prose....

This is a strange love. Stranger than you have ever heard of. However, strange it may sound like, I can assure that this is true to its core. Experiences are always true, I think I need not tell you that. This is the story of love, a dark, painful, ostentatious kind of love - but still it went unnoticed. No one around even got a whiff of it, everything was happening around them, but still everyone was unaware, blind, as if a sleet of darkness had engulfed everything over, as if I had turned invisible. I loved him. I cannot call him by his name because if I say his name, I might become an outcast. My folks may kill me, give me poison. Every one of my friends and relatives will hate me. But I am not worried about all those. Death is not a macabre for me. If this life gets over, there will always be the next. But, I can't let him suffer because of me. His name, his life, his honour is more precious to me than my own life.

Mulling over my life, I can tell you that this is not the first time that I have been in love. I have loved throughout my life. My love was like a poisonous snake. It always waits for the right one to get in its way so that it can entwine him in its hold. But the ones who got entangled in its hold were all such ignorant pedants who never saw me. I was again invisible in front of them. Let's leave all those gory stories where only I got hurt.

Let's talk about us, me and my lover. I saw him unexpectedly on one such evening when the golden rays of the sun shone brightly through his body and made him look like a statue of gold. His hair were strands of gold and his skin had a golden tan which made me long to touch. His blue eyes shone at the sight of me. His lips gave such a beautiful smile which when rememberd conveys me into the place which we call heaven.

From knowledge gained till this day, let me tell you, married people always lack eyesight whereas a bachelor's eyesight is much much better. Before marriage, a man will adore his girl and can even describe the smallest mole that he found on her cheek as the utmost beautiful thing on earth. But once he gets married to her, he fails to even remember that such a thing exists on her. That's why I hate marriages.

Now, I have no intention of possessing my love. But just because I have got no such intentions, I am going to suffer. The distance between us is a day. I can never reach his side even if I walk hundred miles an hour and I don't know any other means of travel other than to walk, in other words, to crawl as I have been transmuted into the most poisonous snake by my love.

This love I have for him is not only strange but it also gives me excruciating pain to just bring his face into my mind. But what love can be called love if there is no element of pain connected with it? Pain of love should make your heart tear apart. The sword of jealousy should pierce into your heart and pain you. The pain of disappointment should make your heart pain so much. I will cut off my wings to feel that pain. I will then try to fly to him. Blood will drip from the part where my wings had once been. His golden body will turn red with my blood. I will win him over with my blood and pain.

I was jealous to all the girls who came near him. I was jealous with every girl who dared talk to him or even look at him. He was just mine. I decided to reach his side before I lose him to the world's stronger grip. I reached his side. I hugged him, not with my hands but with my soul. I kissed him, not with my lips but with my tears. No girl would have hugged his boy with so much pain burning through her body. My bones were breaking, my flesh was crushing with the horrid pain that I was feeling. Still, I hugged him with love, with true, fearless, strong love because I knew this was the LAST. There won't be another moment like this in this life. Perhaps, our next meeting will be in the next birth. But I knew, at that moment too, I will be crawling in the form that I am today, as a poisonous snake. On that day too, my heart will be torn apart with the same pain that I am having today. Even when separated and far apart, my blood will yearn to blend with your blood with unquenchable thirst for your love.

This was a prose that erupted from my mind after reading a short story by a renowned Malayalam author. Kindly regard this gibberish as that of an immature author's meekly attempt.

Did I miss the train???

The title might have baffled you because I am sitting here and posting on my blog, so how can it be possible for me to miss a train? But I am talking about the train in which my future was residing.Ya, I did miss that train and now it has gone away to such a faraway place from where it's hard for me to drag it back and even if I drag it back I am not optimistic that I can travel happily on that train. It's true that opportunities come only once and it's totally true that a wiser man has to grab the opportunity that comes to him, coldblooded. You should'nt wait to think what will happen to you or your loved ones if you do a particular thing because thoughts are the one thing that can change your life forever. If you are totally not getting into what I am talking about, I will give you the details. Before that, there is a doubt creeping into my mind now: Have I started to make my blog my diary? If so, please don't feel bad about reading me because I have started to trust my page with my life and I am willing to pour out myself on these pages as this is giving me a chance to have a good look at myself and what I was and what I am.

So, you all might have read the poem that I had posted before this. Yeah, it's true that I do love a person madly, madly enough to let myself become his slave if he wants but nothing of that sort is going to happen because even if he knows about me more than anyone else and even if I know about him more than anyone else, he is not willing to make me his better half. The reasons are plenty and I know each and every reason of his by heart. Now you might be wondering, have I given up? Ya, I have sort of given up, but that too for him. There is no point in clinging to a person who doesn't nurture the same feelings that you have for him; moreover, if he is having second thoughts about me as to whether this relation could bring him happiness or not or will this relationship break off all his other relationships, there is no meaning in hanging on to him. Hang on to the person who can make you feel secure, make you feel his but here nothing of that sort is there.

It's true that I have been loving him so deeply from the time he came into my life and he knows that well but he is not ready to accept it in front of the world and partly, I have given him the reasons for not doing so, that 's my mistake, I agree, but he knows the situation that changed my life forever. He knows how much I have gone through, how much I suffered. Still, he is not ready yet for anything risky. How can I make him understand that this is not a risky thing? This is his life, more than mine, I want his happiness. He knows I can never make him sad like I did to others but when will he realize it completely and return to me? I still don't know for sure if that will happen.

Everything happened in the December of 2005. Let's call him 'my guy.' I knew him long before but had never met him except twice when i was studying. He is one of my relations (and pretty close that is) but I was not very familiar with him because he never used to come for any of our family occasions. In that unfortunate month, there at my cousin's wedding, I met him after many long years. It was surprising to know that he was a very fun loving dude and he made friends with all of my cousins very soon. Nothing much happened on that day but my phone number got passed to him through his sister. It was not purposely done, among all of my cousins' numbers, he got my number too. After coming home, his image was lurking in my mind (but I knew that it will pass) but didn't take much notice of my feelings at the time because I knew much better than anybody else that he was not my type and I was not his but I wanted to keep him among my friends' group, so just messagd him from my phone (The 1st Biggest Mistake of My Life). That's how everything got started........