I Should Go On And On And On...

Whenever there is nothing exciting happening in life, i think it'll be better to blog about the past events and relive them on the screen. I think i was narrating about the events from my college days. And thus me and (ahem..ahem) S landed as classmates. I was a back bencher for two years (11th and 12th), that too in the same classroom as we had all started to love that class (even when the staffroom and Paraman's room were just next to our class). Paraman alias Parameshwaran sir was a really interesting character when we first came into the college. He was our Physics professor. The first thing i remember about him is his voice which can even win over the sound of thunder ( i seriously had doubts that the wall behind our classroom got that crack just because of him). If he shouts (generally he takes class that way) we can never listen without putting our forefingers inside our ears and pretending that we were keenly listening. But apart from that, he was a very good natured person. People say that he is short tempered, so and so. But me, Gayu (she was the smartest among girls for polishing), and Sindh (my best friend) used to go to his room in the afternoons and have a chat (never touched Physics, if you are wondering what we were talking about). We used to talk about his gardening, his family, our seniors, and such stuff. We even used to give him tips on gardening (without any idea on how it will affect his plants).

So, studies apart, college was real fun. I never even knew how two years flew away and i miss that place even now. Don't laugh when i tell you this, but I really feel like crying every time i look inside the gates of my college and i miss those days really really much (even though i've done very little as a student for the place). Whether it's the place that i am missing or is it the people in there at that time i am missing, am not sure of. Maybe a bit of both. Without the students who were there when i had been there, it won't be the same. Now i feel there are things which time can never make us forget. The old saying "time heals" sometimes looks so ironic.

Let's go back to what happened to me and S in the first year of college. I was beaming with joy on getting him in my class. It's really true that until we know a person completely, we will be full of curiosity but once we find that person is just an ordinary individual just like you, all curiosity wears off. Something like that happened in my case too. He became a regular visitor at my home also because he always misses classes and will need my notes and he was a real chatterbox, so i got lot of such funny moments with him at home and college because he acted real stupid at times. But still i used to have those special feelings for him hidden inside me. I think something that is really bad about my character is that i don't tell my friends anything close to my heart, like, i never reveal my deepest desires (good/bad) to anyone, not even my best friend and i think i have paid for that already. In this case also, i never revealed anything to him. I remained a faithful friend to him always till today except that today, i dont have those feelings for him.

It was one month after our college started that a new girl, R joined us who looked stylish enough, lean with a long nose that reminded me of Pinocchio (might be i was jealous, i dont know and i dont care) but she was beautiful (i have to admit the truth, right?) and she was a real expert in classical music (as i came to know later). We even became friends later but that's another part of the story. It was less than a week after she joined, and she had become real popular in class. She had this ability that i lacked, she talked her mind so openly that anyone listening to her will become her slave. As i said, myself and Sindh were the backbencher girls. Along with us were two of her friends and in our front bench was her seat and whenever she got a chance she will jump to our bench to sit with her friends. At our back, was the actual last bench which had Allu, Hash, S, and "whoever had no seat on D-day". Thus, S became friends with everyone in my bench (so now i lost the credit of being the only person who knew him personally in our class). That made me a bit mad, but it's something i can't do anything about, so i left it at that.

Days and months went by. Myself and R even participated in many group events together (O, ya, i do sing a bit. At least i should say that for the 4 years of classical training that i had had).

It was on one such afternoon when i had nothing to do except sit idly that my world shattered in front of me. S, myself, Gayu, Sindh, and some of my other friends too were standing near the blackboard and drawing on the board for fun. Suddenly i noticed Gayu started making fun of S. I couldn't make out what it was about. Suddenly i heard she saying "if R sings, S will also be ready to sing." I asked aloud, "What?" Then everyone around started laughing without noticing me. I looked at S and he had a shy smile on his face. I blinked. When the bell rang after the recess, i asked Gayu what it was all about (actually i was in the mood of punching Gayu in the face for what she was doing). She said that S likes R period. The last thing that i wanted to hear was that.

I ran out of the class straight to my friend who was my old school tutionmate and who was also the only one who knew that i liked S. I told her so and so has happened. She consoled me a lot and even told me she would help me by conveying my plight to him but what was the use? He's already planted his heart in someone else. And i was such a generous, sacrificing being at that time, so i decided to pluck him out of my heart and put my feelings for him aside and help him achieve his happiness (i thought that was what true love was all about). I cried a lot, if i remember right, without knowing that life has gotta shed lot more tears on the way to happiness.