The rising sun has to set come evening....
Well, maybe he did not love me… but for some reason I do not believe that is true either. The only thing I know to be true is that he broke my heart. And now, regardless of how he felt about me, or how I desperately loved him, we are done forever. I’m just waiting to see exactly how long forever is…
How did I end up here? It’s the only statement I could fathom while standing on the veranda of my upstairs house that seemed to be my only stability. My eyes burned as the cool evening breeze dried the mist of my unformed tears. As I looked across the never ending green fields it was as if I saw a reflection of every moment we have shared together. Every look, every fight, every kiss, every touch; these memories fell like a blanket across the vast green ocean. My heart felt as if it was drowning in its own hopeful sorrow. I turned toward the road escaping the haunting scenes that sailed across the calm fields. I watched as people working in the fields climbed on to the road with mud matted hands and legs. I took a deep breath as I grasped the pillar on the veranda and bowed my head. Then I raised my eyes, and there he was.
It hurt to look at him knowing that I would have to say goodbye. As he made his way down the stairs it was as if I was watching him in slow motion. I observed his every move as if it was the last time I would ever see him; because I knew it was - this was the last time I would ever look at him this way.
After our meaningless exchange of a greeting his timid hug made my heart sink. It was as if my heart was a weight inside my chest; its heaviness drawing my breath out of my lungs down into my gut. I looked out into the green searching for the right words to break the silence. The realization that this was goodbye took over me; but I knew goodbye was one thing I never wanted to say to him. Looking at his glossy blank stare I knew he realized the same thing. Anything we said from this point on would be irrelevant; nothing either of us said would change what had to happen.
I reached for his hand which rested against his lips. He laced his fingers through mine and everything felt okay. We were now facing each other, but I found it almost impossible to look at him. This moment felt so surreal. I held his hand with both of mine and brought them to my chest. Feeling my own heart beat confirmed that this was actually happening. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes fighting my sudden urge to cry. His grip tightened as he stepped closer. He pulled me towards him wrapping himself tightly around me as I collapsed in his arms. My head rested on his chest and I heard his heart. I heard the love that once consumed me. It was real; and I never wanted to let him go. His comforting touch was exactly what I needed right now; I couldn’t think of any place that I would rather be than in his arms. It killed me knowing that the only thing that could make me feel at ease in this moment would be the one thing tearing me apart in the next. As I hesitantly let him go my eyes made their way to his. Looking into each other’s eyes there was no need for words; we both understood that. I watched my fingers trace their way from his scruffy jaw line, across his gentle heartbeat, down to the arms that once embraced me. Just as I reached his hand he brushed my hair from the front of my face and lifted my chin. He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me like he never had before. Maybe it was the passion, or sorrow, or overwhelming merge of emotions that terrified the both of us; but it felt different. My forehead rested against his. Looking into his intense, memorable, black eyes I realized the difference; the difference was that this kiss meant goodbye. I threw my arms around him one last time wondering what he felt while holding me. Did he still feel the innocent love he once held? Or did feel the desperate pain I now endured? With one last breath I found myself letting go; letting go of the only boy that could break my heart, letting go of the naive young love that caused my happiness, letting go of the past months. Goodbye.
I watched him walk away without turning back. His strong composure frustrated me; it’s something I will never understand. The heartbreak flooded my veins filling my troubled eyes with unrestrained tears. I held my head in my hands searching for the breath to calm my hysteria. I suddenly turned against the cool breeze and I let out a deep breath. I observed as the redness of the setting sun grew from the wide horizon. The dysfunctional love that we shared couldn’t be more like the setting and rising of the sun daily. The feeling between him and I came unexpected just as the sun seems to appear out of no where unaware of what’s ahead. Over the past months the tide changed more times than anyone could count. We sailed through the ups and downs of the unpredictable passion that moved us both. I now followed the rhythm to find myself staring at the lonely road once again; and there we were. I noticed the scenes of our time together that walked across the green fields had finally made their way to the still land. Sooner or later every one has to reach their home. No matter how hard one fought the challenges of life, and regardless of what we have been through to finally find ourselves in love; both inevitably crashed. And now all that’s left was the fading redness that is my memories and the darkness cast over that was the only remnant of my jaded heart.
This was another beautiful prose that came up in my mind which I thought of sharing with you all. This is based on the theme "Lost Love."
